"The Trandoshan Always Shoots Twice."


A.K.A. "The Children of Oomoog Om. -Part II"

Written and Directed by:
David Weaver.

STARRING

'Mama',   Rojic,   Jimmi,   Karnov,   Niall,   Kory,  
And introducing:
Joe-90 Hen3ry and 'Lucky.' and 'Blinkie.'
as the droids.

AND
Storm Cutter
their ship.

And introducing:
Mister Plaak Tuun, a Keldorian scout.

The day breaks with a thud.

-And then another

-And another….

This has been going on for hours. It continues for a while, until breakfast is finally served.

Jimmi emerges from the tent. The first streaks of light herald the beginning of a new day. Spreading along the horizon are glorious gold tendrils, piercing the azure of the sky and melting away the darkness for another scorcher on Trandosha. –It’s all lost on Jimmi who can see no difference in the force. “Instead of a big dark blur, I see a big dark blur.”

“That’s Trandosha for you. In a while the chill will be gone, and the blast-furnace heat will be starting in earnest.”

Jimmi turns to Kory. “You know, I learned only three things about Trandosha.”

“And they are?”

“Trandosha is dry, Trandosha is dusty, -and it’s full of Trandoshans!”

Kory disagrees. “It’s also great for shopping, -unless you want a lizard-skin handbag that is. -You would have thought with so much slimy and scaly hide, there’d be an abundance of such things.”

“I guess that they’re just a bit touchy on the subject!”

“Talking of scaly, slimy and hiding; -where’s Rojic?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t seen him this morning. He’s usually the first up, to scoff all the breakfast. He loves getting stuck into prunes, cabbage, beans and Brussels sprouts.”

Tuun emerges, and starts preparing the breakfast. “Nerf again, I’m afraid!”

“I just wish that there was something else. Something better than….”

“If wishes were horses, we’d all be eating steak!” Karnov says, emerging from his tent while smearing on some SPF-750 lotion.

“I’m still not sure that I understand that statement.”

“It was said by a very great and wise man. One does not question such people!”

Jimmi asks what time it is.

“About time you had a watch, -stupid!”

“But I can’t read it. –Stupid!”

Karnov says, “I’ve go this pounding in my head. It must be all the heat and lack of moisture.”

“Probably something more fundamental.”

“Such as?”

“I don’t know. The war? The state of the Republic? How long the fridge-light is going to last…..With everything going on, it’s no wonder there’s a throbbing in my skull. It’s like an Ewok village having an end-of-an-empire party in my noggin!”

“You poor thing, If it’s any consolation, my head is pounding too. –By the way, what’s an Ewok?”

“Er… Like a Wookiee, only about two feet tall and cute.”

“Seriously?”

“Nah, I’m making it up! There’s no such thing as Ewoks!”

Finally they can all stand the pounding no more. They relent, and eventually let Rojic out of the cool-box.

Jimmi says, “I though that the only blue thing in the cool-box was cold Bantha milk!”

They tuck into more Nerf steaks for breakfast. When the time for washing-up comes around, Kory is looking into the distance. She turns to Joe-90. “See anything, Joe?”

“I think I can see a skiff, miss. It might be the one we’re after.”

Kory gets the hyperbinoctic glasses, and scans the horizon.

“Grrk! Krrk! Krrk! Karra Ku’rrk rrk! Rrrk! Krrk! R’rkk!”

“Nasty cough you’ve got there Kory.”

“It’s actually a Tusken raider in front of the glasses!” Kory tries to shoo the Tusken away.

“They always do that! –Every time I look through the glasses!”

Sotto voce, Jimmi says to Rojic. “Is that Tusken sticker still stuck to the front of the glasses?”

Rojic gives a thumbs-up. Jimmi stares at him. Rojic realises his mistake. “Check!”

“Don’t tell Kory.”

“Don’t worry, -it surprises her every time. -That gag never gets old!” Rojic chortles to himself.

“One day there’ll be a real Tusken rearing up in front of her!” Jimmi warns.

“She sure has a weird choice in boyfriends!”

Kory gives a gasp.

“Not that again!”

“No, I see a storm coming on the opposite horizon.”

“Sandstorm!” Says Tuun, “Very bad…..You go first!”

They don’t have much time. The storm is blowing up in their direction. There is little to do but pack up everything loose, pile up stones and heavy equipment around the tent, and squeeze into it. Rojic however, decides to front the storm. “What’s the worse that can happen?”

“You could be sand-blasted to shreds!”

“Pfft! I’ve been in worse! ‘Tis but a small breeze!”

The wind gets stronger. Rojic starts to panic. “Is there anything large I can hide behind?”

“There’s the Savrik body!”

“Eeew!”

The wind is getting even stronger. It takes all of Rojic’s effort to flap over to the body of the Savrik, he ducks down behind it, and shelters from the wind and the dust. Besides which, there is an interesting pocket in the tunic of the dead creature. This gets Rojic thinking. “If it has a tunic and a pocket….Then surely it’s semi-intelligent, possibly sentient….Maybe not a savage creature in spite of everything…..”

Karnov is having precisely the same thoughts, only out loud. -He does have trouble thinking without his lips moving after all! “If it has a tunic and a pocket….Then surely it’s semi-intelligent, possibly sentient….Maybe not a savage creature in spite of everything…..”

“Clothes and pockets don’t prove any intelligence. -Look at Karnov.” Tuun says. “Maybe you’d like it better back in the sandstorm!” Karnov growls at him.

Jimmi says, “I prefer not to look at Karnov, thanks.” Tuun tells Jimmi, “Well if you ever saw him, you’d probably toss him off the back of the squid boat!” They all think that this is very funny, -as well as very rude. Unfortunately, with them all crammed into one one-man tent, there’s no room to laugh.

Rojic is faring no better outside. Having been liberally sand-blasted, he tries for the shelter of the speeder, only to be buffeted and lacerated by the storm and the debris within it. He vainly attempts to fly into the wind, but an extra ferocious gust picks him up, and with his words of, “I am a leaf on the wind!” He is swept away. The others listen out for him, but can hear nothing above the sound of the gale.

“Let’s hope he managed to tether himself to something and hang on.”

“Actually let’s hope he didn’t and he’s a hundred miles away by now!”

Rojic dances like a leaf in the wind for a mile or three, then he is unceremoniously dumped in a pile and pelted with grit and dust. Ever the one to have sand kicked in his face, he lies face down in the dry dirt, while the dish in his head fills with fine particles. He sighs and gives himself up for dead.

When the storm passes, the remainder of the crew squeeze from the tent to find Rojic missing.

“Joe, go and get Rojic and take care of him.”

Joe-90 hefts Sarah-Jane. “Oh I can ‘take care’ of him alright!” He trudges off, somewhat dejectedly.

when Joe-90 finds Rojic, the Toydarian is in a very sorry state. Rojic is so releived at being rescued, he grabs onto Joe-90’s leg and clings on for all he is worth.

Joe-90 radios back to the camp. “I’ve found him sir, but there’s no pulse.”

“Can you be sure?”

Over the communicator are sounds of several gunshots.

“Yep. Sure!”

The others listen in with horror.

“Only joking, -he’s alive.”

There is a dramatic pause. “Damn!”

Joe-90 turns to Rojic. “And I thought they smelled bad….On the outside!”

“You haven’t cut me open yet.” Rojic points out.

“I was getting to that, sir.”

Rojic flutters up, and perches on Joe-90’s shoulder like an overgrown, particularly leathery and ugly parrot. “You look different, Joe.”

“Bead-blasting, sir. It’s all the rage apparently.”

“I’ll give you a good polish and an oil bath when we get back.”

“I suppose that’s a fair trade, sir.” Joe-90 turns around and starts to trudge back. Rojic thinks that he can detect a sigh from the droid beneath him.

By the time they get back, the others have emptied the sand out of everything except the sandwiches, and piled the speeder with their gear. “I don’t suppose the skiff is still visible, Kory?” Jimmi asks.

“No. –It’s either buried in the sand, -or moved away.”

“Why don’t you try the hyperbinoctic glasses?”

“I don’t want to. Somehow I have a funny feeling that there’s a Tusken raider hiding in the dunes to leap out at me….Again!”

Rojic and Joe-90 arrive back. Rojic is relived to be rescued. He starts chanting repeatedly. “Joe, I want to hold you and love you and hug you and squeeze you, and….”

“He’s delirious.”

“It’s alright, Rojic snap out of it!”

“Mmmm?”

“I think a credit stick blew out of my hand….”

Rojic snaps out of it. “Where?”

“That’s the old Rojic! Back on the scent of the money.”

They mount up into the speeder and head off. An hour or two later, they catch a glimpse of water on the horizon. “Aha! An oasis!”

“What are they doing out here?”

“Who?”

“Oasis. –Noel and Liam and Bonehead and…”

Several people look at Jimmi. “Who are you calling bonehead?”

Kory is dismissive. “That’s no oasis, that’s a mirage!”

A few minutes later, they come across a bottle of water.

“See? Oasis!”

Beyond the oasis is a large body of actual real water, with muddy banks around it. On seeing a Shenbit Bonecrusher, or at least a mirage of one, they have a sudden attack of non-curiosity, and decide not to investigate further. They veer off at an angle to avoid any spare budo. Tuun is sure that Gorgon’s Crack is not far from here. A few more miles, and they come over a series of dunes. Tuun slows, and as they reach the top of the largest dune, they can see a skiff in the distance. Tuun backs up, and they peer at their destination. The skiff lies near the entrance to Gorgon’s Crack.

Shenbit Bonecrusher

They go through the whole hyperbinoctic glasses routine again, before trying to decide a strategy. “Of course we don’t know exactly how many bad guys are on the skiff. –Nor do we know if Oomoog Om or the children are being held captive there.” Kory cautions.

“I can see….Take me with you!”

They turn to Jimmi. “What?”

“Actually I can’t ‘see’ but I might be able to feel their presence….In the force that is.”

They have no better option, so give Jimmi some room. Jimmi concentrates.

“Should we hold hands or anything?” Karnov asks.

“No, that won’t be necessary!”

“What about thinking happy thoughts?” Tuun wants to know, “Would that help?”

“I can only picture Rojic tied to a stone at the bottom of the ocean.” Kory says, helpfully.

“That’s not a happy thought, that’s just wishful thinking!”

Rojic ignores them. “I’m thinking of Mama and Niall.”

“What? Mama and Niall….. Doing that old….With the…..-And in the…..I mean, eww!”

“No! Just thinking of them already out of the way. I only have to get the rest of you to meet with an unfortunate accident and I can fly off into the sunset with all those lovely credits that the Republic owes us.”

“There won’t be a payout anytime soon, there’s a war on, remember?”

“Besides, you flew off earlier and we had to send a search party after you.” Tuun reminds him.

“What search party? You sent Joe-90, locked on to the signal from my transponder.”

“Well, we didn’t actually want to find you all that much!”

Jimmi shushes them. The others stop arguing for a moment and let Jimmi do that thing that Jimmi does. In a moment of stillness, Jimmi stretches out with feeling, and ‘sees’ through the force. On the skiff are several bodies of sentient beings. -Mostly humanoid. Jimmi looks into the below-decks section. After a few cautious minutes, what very well could be an Ithorian can be detected. Jimmi can also sense a few alarm triggers in the sand around the skiff, and the presence of a couple of guards. All this information is relayed to everyone else.

“What should we do? We don’t want to spook them into speeding off, or harming the prisoner.”

“True. Um….Could we sneak up on them?”

“Over a featureless desert for a mile….Unlikely.”

“We could camouflage our speeder. I hear that Toydarian blood is particularly sticky, so we could smear it all over, and then throw handfuls of sand over the stickiness, and thus disguise the speeder.”

Rojic is offended. “I object to this plan for one very good reason.”

“And what is that?”

“You’d need dozens of Toydarians.”

“Well, what are we waiting for?”

“-And indeed: What are we waiting for!”

They cover several other methods, but eventually decide on approaching over the minefield under the cover of night. Tuun says “Can I take a twenty on waiting for nightfall?”

“You stupid boy! The Jedi way is to wait and be patient.”

Back on Kashyyyk, Niall has some peace and quiet. He has meticulously laid out all the salvaged lightsabre parts in front of him. At once, it seems deceptively simple, and frustratingly complicated at the same time. Even taking mistress Luce’s advice and meditating on the problem has got him no further. Many hours have gone by and he’s made very little progress.

“I think that this is the most infuriating task in the galaxy!” He yells, thumping his fist on the wooden table.

Mistress Luce gently puts her hand on his shoulder. She looks into his eyes. His temper subsides. Calmly she tells him, “-And that is why you fail.”

Jedi Mistress Tisha Luce
-In colour!

Darkness has finally fallen on Trandosha. Mister Tuun is pleased that he waited. Karnov merely shakes his head at him. They approach the skiff under the cover of darkness. Jimmi can see in the force, while Tuun, Joe-90 and Karnov have superior night vision. Rojic can keep flying and out of danger, which leaves Kory. “If only we had the fridge light. –On a very long extension lead.”

“No can do. You’ll have to use starlight.”

“Shame.”

“Of course you could have disguised yourself in the gold bikini.”

“I am not wearing that. –Again!”

“Shame. Maybe you could just wear the bottom half.” Tuun says, helpfully.

“You know, you can go off people, Mister Tuun.”

At the skiff, they observe two Gamorrean guards. The skiff is also hovering at about twenty feet above the ground. Kory decides to use her ‘ninja rope’ gun, and manages to attach a grapple and line to the skiff without being noticed. The Gamorreans shift position. Jimmi and Karnov take rocks and throw them with the force and with their arms to distract the guards, while the others start climbing up. Soon there is a procession of heroes dangling beneath the skiff. The Gamorreans above get a bit restless, and there are tense moments before the heroes are safely aboard. Karnov alights gently, and lets Jimmi know by telepathy when the coast is clear. Rojic flies on silent wings to the rigging, and covers the guards. Tuun stays on the deck while the others start to make their way downstairs.

Jimmi warns Kory, “Just one person sees you, and we're dead!”

“All right then, I could get up and ‘sneak’ downstairs.”

“Get up then, and get down and sneak-- Sneak!” Jimmi whispers.

Kory stops. “Even worse, suppose someone sees us sneaking out?” She asks.

“I’m not doing anything wrong.” Jimmi replies, nonchalantly.

Karnov clears his throat several times to prompt them to stop bickering. It isn’t very effective however.

Downstairs, they scan a corridor. Several unmarked doors lead off to cabins and rooms. Jimmi is excited.

“What’s up with Jimmi?”

“Jimmi keeps saying, ‘I’ve found him’ and ‘he’s here!’” Kory whispers.

They locate a door that is locked. Jimmi silently indicates to Kory that this is the one. Kory wildly gesticulates something back. They go at this for a few minutes before managing to get the message across that Kory has a lock-pick in her garter. By this time, Jimmi’s hand is almost up her skirt!

There are a few more hand signals and some very stern looks from Kory. -Some of which appear to be rather crude. A moment later, she gets the door unlocked and inside is their missing Ithorian.

Oomoog Om is ponderous and not very quick on the uptake.

Kory takes the lead. “I’m Kory, this Is Karnov and Jimmi. -We’re here to rescue you!”

Very slowly and with a deep bass resonance, -and in stereo- Oomoog Om says. “Rescue? …..Ooooh!”

Karnov asks whether the children are here. Oomoog Om says no. – But he takes about thirty seconds to get the word out. “Bad men take children.” He clarifies in his slow sing-song voice.

They start to move along the corridor at the pace of the slowest- Oomoog Om. Before they’ve gone but twenty yards, a door opens and a Trandoshan appears. Kory hides the fact that she’s slipping her blaster from her garter. Karnov radiates friendship toward the Trandoshan, but he’s too far off the scale for Karvov to tip him back toward companionship. Kory shows Karnov the blaster…. “I’ll handle this one….”

“No wait, Kory, no!”

But the Trandoshan has hissed something like, “Shrrk-ssigk!” This is fighting talk! At this point, a Gamorrean wades into the fray, and swipes at Karnov with a vibro-axe. The Trandoshan shoots at Jimmi, and narrowly misses.

This riles up Jimmi, who yells, “Shoot me will ya?” A shot goes back toward the antagonist, injuring him badly. Karnov spins to confront the Gamorrean, but the narrowness of the corridor hampers his efforts, and despite two swipes with a lightsabre, there is no appreciable porcine damage. Several large gashes are carved in the walls though. Luckily for Karnov’s sanity they don’t start bleeding.

On the top deck, the sound of blaster fire and lightsabre missing draws the attention of another Gamorrean. He strides across the deck to the stairs, just as Tuun shoots him in the back.

Rojic is shocked. -That’s the kind of tactics that he normally employs! Not to be outdone, Rojic follows suit. The guard is made of stern stuff, and refuses to fall over!

Downstairs, Karnov is taking another battering from the vibro-axe. The Trandoshan snaps off several shots along the corridor. Oomoog Om crosses through the intense crossfire, only to come up against a locked door. He crosses back, lumbering and treading slowly. Two Devaronians have joined the firefight. At this point lady-luck picks up her skirts and deserts our heroes, as none of them manage to land a single hit on an enemy.

The Trandoshan wings Jimmi, who yelps in pain. Two Nikto join the fight, but not on the side of the good guys.

Luckily, Jimmi fells the Trandoshan, opening up the corridor for a fusillade of blaster bolts to fly toward the new antagonists. Karnov switches to his blaster, but it is just as ineffective as he was with the lightsabre. Finally, he gets a hit, and the Gamorrean collapses unconscious. Karnov leads the withdrawal. Kory and Jimmi bring up the rear, pinning the enemy down.

Back on deck, Rojic has been trading shots with the second guard. Suddenly, the guard nearly blasts him from the rigging! The shredded sails let Rojic know the fate that awaits his wings and frail body. Rojic flaps desperately for another hiding place. His shadow is cast on one of the sails, however. The Guard rips a hole in the sail, leaving Rojic starting to consider flying away as fast as his fear can take him. Still wondering how the guard spotted him, Rojic is thinking, “I seem to be having considerable difficulty with my lifestyle at the moment!”

A few shots later, and the rescuers emerge from the stairs. Tuun finally fells the first guard. –Disabled but not disintegrated. Karnov joins him as the lead Trandoshan, identified by Oomoog Om as Shmeeke appears. The two of them lead a valiant rearguard action as the others summon Joe-90 to pick them up in their speeder. As Karnov covers Tuun’s escape, the sinister form of a Neimoidian appears. Not wanting to taste either disruptor or blaster, he makes a swift and cowardly exit. Shmeeke has rallied his remaining troops, and more shots search out the two remaining defenders, who are arguing about who is going first. The Neimoidian makes for a speeder, and as Karnov and Tuun bail, their own speeder swoops in to collect them. The Niemoidian is getting away! His tail lights streak off into the distance.

“We could have taken them!” Tuun yells at Karnov.

In a rare moment of insight, Karnov calms him. “No point. We have what we came for. Shmeeke can wait for justice.”

Joe-90 turns the speeder. The Niemoidian is getting away. “After him!” Everyone yells in turn. Joe-90 puts droid foot to throttle, and soon they are zipping at high speed in the dark across the dunes after the rapidly retreating speeder!

CODA:

“You did disable the skiff’s guns didn’t you?” Karnov asks Tuun.

“Er….That’s the Jedi’s job…..”

“No. That was your job!”

Shmeeke: "-And I would have gotten away with it too,
if it wasn’t for you pesky kids and your driod! Grrrr!"

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NEXT THRILLING EPISODE: Shmeeke’s plan is revealed, in 'Part three!'

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Footnotes:

Ho hum.... None today thank you!