"Bimmisaari Rock."

By: Anthony Hummerston.

STARRING:

'Mama'
Rojic
Jimmi
Karnov
Niall
Kory
And introducing:
'Joe90' and 'Hen3ry' as the droids.

The rapid deceleration from hyperspace to realspace went almost unnoticed. The long star-tunnel resolves itself in the cockpit window of Storm Cutter, and far away in the distance the weak sun of the Bimmisaari system glows a lightly tinged blue.

“That was smooth. What did you do?”

Niall shrugs his shoulders. “Nothing much. I let the ship fly itself, rather than wrestling with the controls.”

“Maybe that’s where Mama was going wrong all these years.”

Kory starts looking over the sensors. “Let’s see what we have here.” Around the Bimmisaari homeworld are a cluster of dots. On standoff is an interdictor class capital ship. “Okay, Blue dwarf star. Check. Bimmisaari homeworld. Check. Single planetoid. Check. Trade federation blockade – Rats!”

“Rats?”

“The Trade Federation are blockading the homeworld. -And the planetoid too by the looks of things.”

Kory describes what is on the screen. “On the right is the star of the system. That takes up most of the screen. So then we add in the homeworld, and the planetoid and the Trade Federation blockade.”

“Getting awfully crowded in this space. Where are we?”

“I can’t make a small enough dot on the screen. Even a pixel makes us the size of a large frigate.”

“That’s all we are? A fraction of a pixel? Not even a half a nibble!- Oh, and it’s raining!”

Kory asks “How are we going to get close enough to make contact?–Of course that depends on whether the Bimmisaari are still in control on their home planet.”

“We’ll have to find out the hard way. The Trade Federation appears to be blocking all comms transmissions.” They go over the forces deployed in the blockade. “There are multi-troop transports and droid control ships. It’s not going to be easy to sneak past.”

“Then maybe we’ll do the opposite.”

“How?”

Well, we’re a scruffy-looking transport with a semi-literate crew…..”

“Who’s semi-literate?”

“Spell ‘literally semi-illiterate.’”

“Ill-er…Ell…No…um....Il-litra…literately-ill…Okay, point taken.”

“So...” Kory says, warming to her theme. “We dress up someone in regal gowns and attire, and present them as an ambassador or something, and run it past the Trade Federation checkpoint. – Most of their force is made up of droids, and they wouldn’t know a senator from a spatula. – The officials are probably Neimoidian, and they’d be too scared to challenge a royal barge, in case it sparks off a major galactic incident.”

Senator.

“Okay, who’s gonna do it?”

“Well, no pun intended, but they’ll see through a Miralukan in disguise.”

Jimmi is offended. “They didn’t see through my Rodian disguise….”

“You dress up as a Rodian, and they’ll blast us out of the sky in an instant.”

“So we need to be disguised as someone they’d hate only a little less than Rodians…..”

There is a pause…..

“Rojic! We’ve got a job for you!”

Rojic floats up, a hydro-spanner in one hand and an oaty-fruity bar in the other.

“What now!”

“We need to dress you up!”

Jimmi cuts in. “Yes. A nice chain mail bikini. -It’s all the rage on Tatootine.”

“Chain mail? Think of the weight of it!” Rojic objects.

“Bikini! Think of the sight of it.”

Jimmi turns to them, with sightless eyes ‘looking’ around. “Sometimes I’m so glad I don’t see like normal people…..Though now there’s an even more frightening image in my mind, giving me the wiggins!”

Kory dashes off to get some satin sheets off the bed, and fashions a crude but effective royal boudoir in the mess area. She winds a pillowcase around Rojic’s head to make a turban, and weighs him down with gold and jewels and a chain of office.

“Where did you get the satin sheets?”

“From my cabin.”

“They’re very…Um…what’s the word…..?”

“Practical?”

“I was thinking more ‘opulent.’ I suppose that you know that having those sorts of things in your cabin can get you a reputation.”

Rojic can’t help himself. “She already has a reputation.” He blurts out. Kory gives him a hard stare that would freeze a Sith lord. He shuts up just as quickly.

Niall asks. “I’m wondering where you got that fancy chain of office.”

Rojic says. “I feel like a god-emperor in it!”

Kory smiles sweetly at them. “By the way, the head’s going to be out of use for an hour or so.” The others think about this for a moment. Then they understand!

Rojic asks, “So I’m the ambassador? Do I get to hand out round nutty chocolates?”

“No.”

“And I’m supposed to lie, cheat, swear and steal, and be generally unpleasant?”

“See? You’re perfect for this little ruse!”

Karnov is not so sure he agrees with the ethics of this little caper.

“I have to say that I object to that. Dishonesty is not what the Jedi code is all about.”

Niall is thinking aloud. “Now all we have to do is fly real casual like. -Out of their visual range, and jury-rig the transponder to ping back a royal sail barge rather than a tramp freighter…..Rojic?”

“Sorry, his most Royal Highness Rojic the third is unavailable for trivial ship’s maintenance.” Rojic tells him, getting into character.

“More like ‘Richard’ than ‘Rojic.’ Besides, if the Neimoidians catch us pulling this stunt, they’ll most likely blast us into itty-bitty little pieces!”

Rojic needs no further prompting. “Fetch me the Hydro-spanners and a soldering iron!”

Rojic.

All set to go, they ease Storm Cutter onto an approach vector, but cut the power before they come within visual range. They ping the Neimoidian’s ship, and wait for a response.

“This is Verien Mohebii, Trade Federation director. Please state your business. Please be aware that the Bimmisaari system is under blockade.”

Mohebii.

They reply, stating their business, “Greetings, director. We are on a diplomatic mission, for his eminence Rojic of Toydaria.”

Mohebii sounds sceptical. “We are not aware of any ambassadorial visit.”

Kory tries to push her luck. “This is a roving commission.”

“Please hold while we run a scan.”

The crew of Storm Cutter wait an anxious few moments. Niall can’t hold off much longer without the ship coming within line of sight.

Finally after several nail biting minutes- Or tentacle munching in Karnov’s case – They are asked to resubmit their transponder codes. Then Mohebii asks to speak to the ‘ambassador’ personally.

Rojic hauls himself up to the little throne the others have erected out of two shipping crates and a pillow from Kory’s bed. “Hi chuba da naga?” ^{[ 5 ]} he demands angrily.

Kory pretends to translate. “The mighty Rojic sends his most sincere greetings, Director Mohebii.”

“Kava doompa D’Nemi-odo stoopa.”^{[ 6 ]}

“How can he be of help?”

“We were not expecting a visit from your eminence.” Mohebii tells her.

“We pana dan Pwa fon soopo Farn’wara ken soronta pi fn sonta wondoo pen pi gu nemiodoo." ^{[ 7 ]} Rojic spits at the petty official.

Kory, improvising furiously relays the message “The ambassador apologises for his unexpected visit, but hopes that he can have influence over the negotiations with the Bimmisaari.”

“Apologies for disturbing him. Only his visiting schedule was not passed on to my station.”

Rojic is giving full vent to his anger now. “Karkin leet toobada. D’a rmei loop colona wapso stinghurto maka toma for a noba arsoo mina tooda.” ^{[ 8 ]}

“My master apologises again, and wishes your forgivness.”

Understanding only one word in ten, Mohebii gives in. “We are uploading co-ordinates, and landing clearance. Best of luck ambassador!”

“Pitoo ondoo looda yamsa granoo lampan’oo foo nogooto kung! Ha ha!”^{[ 9 ]}

Kory signs off. “Thank you director. Your name will be commended to the council on Toydaraia.”

For a second, Mohebii frowns. Jimmi tries to sense his motive. There might be a glimmer of suspicion, but Jimmi thinks that the team have managed to deceive him. Jimmi sighs in relief.

“Well, we’ve got our landing codes. No time to waste!”

Niall settles down in cockpit. Henry puts the codes into the navigation computer and they drop through the blockade and down through a humid atmosphere.

Storm Cutter puts down, and by the time the ramp is open, the crew have assembled. They decide to leave Rojic in his silky robes, and start down the ramp. At the bottom waiting patiently are a man and a droid.

The man is wide-eyed. He can’t quite believe that the ambassador has arrived in a scruffy looking and rather outdated freighter. Finally he finds his manners, and welcomes them. “Greetings, ambassador. And…This is your ship?”

Jimmi puts out a hand for the man to shake. The man is quite taken by Jimmi’s appearance, and suddenly finds himself warming to the Miralukan.

The droid cuts in. “This is Morvell. I am designated’ Syth-1-A,’ or you can call me ‘Sythia’ if it helps you to relax.” Karnov tells Morvell that he’s representing the Jedi council, and that there is not a moment to lose. He must speak with the Bimmisaari leaders immediately.

Just then, two battle droids round the corner. They take in the situation, and realise that these strangers are not the ambassadorial party after all. They raise their guns to fire.

"Look sir! Humans!"

Kory blasts at one, but drawing and firing are just too much for her. Rojic senses danger, and executes a vertical take off at rapid speed. Both Karnov and Jimmi get into close range and attack. Jimmi uses the staff to smash the droid in the chest, giving Karnov an opening. Karnov obliges, and with a deft sweep of the lightsabre, he cleaves the battle droid into two bits. They follow up by attacking the second, and by the time another moment has passed, it too lies in pieces on the ground.

Morvell turns to them. “I don’t exactly know who you are, but I’ve decided to be on your side. There are more droids about, so come with me.” He starts off at a quick pace along the street before turning into an alley. “We’re heading for the council chambers. This way!”

He leads them through the streets, and along an alley. They manage to avoid any more droids. Rojic is scouting ahead from an altitude of around ten-thousand feet.

They duck and weave after Morvell and Synth-1-A. He takes them to the market, dodging yet another droid patrol. Once in the bustling market they relax a fraction. The Bimmisaari sure know how to trade! There are hawkers, dealers, buyers, sellers and brokers. There are vendors, traffickers, and merchants. They are actually all starting to pack up for the day.

Suddenly, a battle droid accosts Jimmi. It puts a hand out, and says. “Halt. I don’t recognise you!”

Playing the role of blind trader to a tee, Jimmi asks. “Who said that?” The droid pauses for a second. The others freeze. Jimmi taps away with a cane. The droid is processing the data. “Wait sir or madam…....Er....Checking….” Jimmi continues. “Blind from birth, just a simple masseur….Or is that masseuse?” This confuses the droid even more, and this gives our heroes all the time they need.

Thinking....Thinking......Thinking........

Niall has peeled off, indicating to the others that he’s flanking the two battle droids. Turning to Jimmi He says “I’m glad I found you. Don’t get separated again….” All the while, He’s getting in closer. The droids are still processing the data, when Niall whips out his lightsabre, and in a flash of sparks, cuts an arm off the nearest droid. Jimmi fires at it point blank with a blaster. Before the droid can fall in bits, the other is reaching for its gun. A further shot rings out from Karnov, who has also doubled back. The other droid is dropped as quickly as the first. There is an eerie silence. By the time that the Jedi scout has powered down his lightsabre, and checked that Karnov’s blaster bolt hasn’t singed his hair, the remaining droid pieces have disappeared. The traders have swept, tidied and squirreled them away in a flash. Fifteen seconds later and there is absolutely no sign of the battle droids. Morvell indicates that they are beneath the council chamber, and he steps into a lift. They follow as the doors slam shut very rapidly, and it begins to ascend.

They emerge in a lobby. Synth-1-A shows them into the council chamber. By the time they’ve been introduced to one of the senior Bimmisaari officials, they’ve been offered refreshments a massage and some lubricant from Synth-1-A – Though not necessarily in that order. At least it helps them to relax.

Oday Starr is the leader of the council. “I hear that you’re here to help.” He says. Karnov introduces himself, and offers assistance.

Starr tells the group that they are in a tricky situation. The Trade Federation wants to add Bimmisaari to the list of worlds seceded from the Republic. Their terms are attractive, but they are forcing the issue with the blockade. Meanwhile the Republic has declined to send a force to tackle the federation head on. As the Bimmisaari start to lose trade, their economy is suffering, and the Trade Federation are reducing their offer. Meantime, they think that the Republic senate is stalling, hoping to gain a vote, or avoid a veto from the Bimmisaari senator. He believes that the Republic is either too weak, or doesn’t wish to start another conflict on another front. -Hence the stalemate.

Karnov offers to help, though cannot see an easy way of taking on the Trade Federation’s best starships with a small crew and a lightly-armed freighter. “We can facilitate on that score.” Starr tells him. “I can offer a rack of missiles and we have a plan for punching through the blockade. But if you were to disrupt the blockade on the forest moon in our system, drawing their forces to another front, we could possibly start a revolt here on Homeworld.”

Starr’s plan is to transmit several thousand starfighter signatures, all launching simultaneously. “The droid controlled force will have to sift through a lot of conflicting data, allowing you a small window to slip through.” He looks sad. “Only we lack some of the technical expertise to generate so many false positives.” Rojic offers his help. Niall also has a few ideas. They arrange to meet up to rig the transmitter arrays. –Operation ‘cry wolf’ is in progress!

Just then, there is a commotion in the council chamber. Several Neimoidians are on their way. Our heroes scatter and hide. Rojic floats up to the chandelier, and waits patiently. The Neimoidians start pushing the Bimmisaari around, but are only flexing their muscles. They slope off after a while. Our heroes make a list of equipment they’ll need, and arrange for it to be stowed aboard Storm Cutter. They bid their farewells, and start to ascend in the ship. They signal the transmitter arrays to go into full transmit, and suddenly the scanner is filled with phantom ship launches. Storm Cutter surges into low orbit, and starts to make a getaway. Interceptor craft are swarming around, looking for the ghost ships. One more waypoint, and Storm Cutter is free of the blockade.

They are pinged from Mohebii again. He asks for a transponder code. They ping him back – voice only and no visuals. The director is pleased that ambassador Rojic could make time in his schedule to visit. “Thank you.” He goes to sign off. Then there is a flicker on his face. “Deploy interceptors!” He yells to his crews.

Three ships peel off from the dummy attack, and start to pursue.

Niall fades left – his trademark manoeuvre. Alarms start to sound. Kory jumps to the shield array matrix, brushes plastic dinosaurs aside, and starts pulling levers and tweaking knobs. Karnov and Jimmi race to the gun turrets.

“I hope that these things are not just for show!”

Jimmi jokes. “They ‘look’ quite impressive I can tell you….!”

An interceptor probes Storm Cutter with its laser cannons. The shields scream in protest. Kory rebalances the drained rear shield with power from the front.

Karnov has an enemy in his sights. He blasts away and energy bolts zip toward the interceptor, but it has moved on and Karnov’s shot is a miss.

“Use the fire control!” Jimmi yells at him, “It’ll help you lead them!”

Jimmi’s guns fire into the void. The shots strike home, weakening the shields of their pursuers. The interceptors return fire, and suddenly all the cockpit displays go blank. They’re flying blind! The sensor arrays crackle with sparks, and a panel behind Niall starts to smoke, while flames lick around the edges. Hen3ry squeaks a desperate response and a fire extinguisher pops out from his case. It hisses into life, and for a second foam engulfs the flames. Then there is a sputtering and the foam dies, and merely drips. The fire rages on. Kory strips off her jacket, soaks it in the foam, and smothers the panel.

The interceptor hanging back gets a missile lock. More alarms sound. Niall fades left again, and his hand hovers over the control column, his feet kicking the rudder thrusters into a stall turn. A missile is launched and running. It speeds toward the freighter. The gun turrets fire again, trading shots. Enemy fire punches through the shields, but Kory is on top of it. With the shields depleted, another few hits and they’ll be destroyed. A pipe splits, and water starts spraying over the mess area. Things are beginning to look desperate.

Deep in the depths of the ship, Rojic is rapidly running out of limbs to use in order to weld, cut, patch, solder, fix, repair, replace, mend, fasten, screw and unscrew all the systems. In his haste to seal a hole, he knocks the interlock motors, sending a deafening howl though the bowels of the ship.

The interceptors arc around, trying to blindside Storm Cutter. But Niall anticipates the move, and fades right this time. The two closest pursuers are engulfed in laser fire from the turrets, Jimmi and Karnov getting a kill each. Two fireballs blossom in the vacuum of space. The running missile passes within inches of their hull, and does a fast split-S turn to line up again. The remaining interceptor closes fast, desperate to get a second lock. The missile looms large in the cockpit window as it streaks back toward Storm Cutter. At he last possible second, Niall pulls a full thrust Immelmann turn. The missile roars on, but is too late to correct its path. The last interceptor impacts it full on, and explodes in a blaze of fiery sparks. Niall punches the thrusters, and brings Storm Cutter about, on full burn into the night, and toward the small speck of the planetoid in the distance.

They hold off when the newly patched scanner shows hundreds of tiny pinpoints – each as big as a pixel. By now, Kory has taken off her shirt and tied it around the burst water pipe. She strides back, wringing out her soaking tee shirt. “What is it?”

“Our worst nightmare…..Buzz droids!”

Bzzzzzzz!

NEXT EPISODE: Mine, all mine!

TO BE CONTINUED......

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Footnotes. (Click numbers to return to the story.)

[ 5 ]   "What do you want?"
[ 6 ]   "You’re a Neimiodian fool!"
[ 7 ]   "Tell him I’m busy and he can stick his ugly Neimoidian head up his arse!"
[ 8 ]   "I hope a colony of wasps stings you back to the swamp you arrived from. -You toad!"
[ 9 ]   "I’ve had enough talking to lowlife scum like this!"