Niall and Karnov are bickering over whom they should contact about the prisoners.
“I bagsy the Jedi Service Corps.”
“But the Jedi council outranks the service corps.” Karnov reminds Niall.
“Well I was here first!”
In the end, they compose a message that satisfies both parties, and send it to both.
‘Dark side Agents neutralised. Arrange collection. We are all fine here. How are you?’
“That’ll do.”
“So long as we send it to my people first.”
“No. Me first!”
Kory cannot help wondering why they are being so concise; after all, it is not as if they are paying by the word.
Jimmi asks what they are to do with Rose Wanderer, now that it is within their possession.
“We could sell it.” Rojic suggests.
“I was thinking more along the lines of using it as a fire ship.”
“What, fly it by remote?”
“Yeah, why not?”
“The last time we let you do something by remote, we nearly blew Niall’s head off with a dud mouse droid!”
Niall says. “Actually, rather than fire-ship, I prefer the term ‘hell-burner.’ -Though it does sound like a spicy type of sausage!”

Karnov looks over. “Well, I prefer fish. The more it wriggles the better.”
“So is that what you had in your cabin the other night. A fish?”
“Yup!”
“I presume it was still alive then, seeing as I distinctly overheard you say ‘first I’m going to hurt you, then I’m going to have you, then I’m going to eat you.’”
Karnov looks embarrassed. To cover this, he tells them that a fire-ship plan is too complicated.
Jimmi asks. “How so? Packing it with explosives, and ramming the enemies’ capital ship. -Not complicated at all.” On the face of it, it doesn’t sound that complex.
Niall adds. “A Trojan horse.”
“What’s a horse?”
“I meant a Trojan Nazzar.”
“What’s a Trojan?”
“Er….I don’t actually know. A native of Troja, maybe?”
Jimmi thinks for a while. “There’s no such place as Troja. Though there is a planet called Trogan.”
“So, what you’re trying to say is we use Rose Wanderer as a kind of ‘Trogan Nazzar’”
“Er…. Yes. -I think.”
“What’s that then?”
“I dunno. I’ve never heard of a ‘Trogan Nazzar.’”
There is a pause while they all think.
Finally, Kory breaks the silence. “Maybe we should hide in the smuggling hatch and when they take Rose Wanderer aboard their capital ship, we sneak out and sabotage their craft.”
“Hide-and-sneak. I like it!”
“Kory, where did you get the idea for a plan like that?”
“I read it in a comic book!”
“An excellent idea. –But with one minor drawback. -We don’t have any explosives.”
Rojic turns on Niall. “-And why is that then?”
“Because you had the opportunity to get some. -And didn’t!”
Rojic backtracks somewhat. “The gods of good fortune weren’t smiling that day.”
“Well, they’re smiling on you today…..”
“How can you tell?” Rojic asks.
“Because I haven’t shot you today!”
Jimmi offers to sing for money. “I have a good repertoire. Maybe my lovely songs can bring in some cash.”
Niall swings around with Sarah-Jane in his hand. “Go on then, sing. We can see if the gods of good fortune are smiling on you today as well!”
It’s Jimmi’s turn to backtrack. “I’ve suddenly got laryngitis. -A particularly virulent strain. Listen. -Cough, cough!”
“I’m sure Sarah Jane could perform an emergency tracheotomy.”
“No need. I think its suddenly got a lot better! But I need to rest my voice though.”
“See? You can cure all sorts of ailments with a blaster cannon in your hand!”
Kory proposes that they go aboard Rose Wanderer and have a peek inside. “I only saw a holding area. It was quite plush though.”
“Just what you’d expect from agents of the dark side. Chintz and flock wallpaper. – Only a shame there’s no sitar music.”
“What’s a Sitar?”
“Like a guitar, but you play it sitting down.”
“Oh!”
They pile into the large speeder and whiz over to Rose Wanderer. With the pass-card, they bypass the security cordon, and behold the finery of their former enemies’ ship. Rojic waxes lyrical. “What a great ship. A true engineering delight. The smooth lines; the retro details; the barely audible hum of the engines sweetly ticking over. The….”
“Rojic, you’re looking at the wrong ship. Rose Wanderer is over there.” They point out the correct ship. In unison, they all chorus. “What a piece of junk!”
Rose Wanderer does look in poor repair, now that they can get a bit closer. –It’s not as bad as some ships they could mention, but they mention them all the same.
After a walk around the vessel, they decide to look inside. Kory volunteers to re-establish the security cordon. They also decide to send Rojic on an aerial reconnaissance. He flies off. A second later, he has returned. “Two.”
“Two?”
“Two aerials. One dorsal, one ventral.”
“You stupid Toydarian! Not the number of aerials! Scout around from altitude, and tell us whether there are any sentry guns.”
“You might not need me to tell you that!”
Meanwhile Niall has had a scout around. He decides that a good place to enter might not be the most obvious, the entry ramp, but one of the side airlocks. He indicates this to Rojic, who is reluctant to enter the enemy vessel.
“I don’t want to intrude. It might be booby-trapped.”
“It might be full of valuable cargo….”
“Opening the dorsal hatch now.” Rojic flutters off and up.

Rojic peers in. There appears to be nobody home. He drops on silent wings into a hallway. Three internal doors lead aft, and one forward. Rojic flies to a turbo-lift, and presses the up button. Realising his mistake, he presses the down button. There never was any ‘up.’ The turbo-lift glides down. While it does so, Rojic considers the difference between a lift and a turbo-lift. “Just the same, but with go-faster stripes.” He guesses. In the central level are the same door configurations, and two airlocks, one left and one right. Rojic decides to open the closest, which happens to be on the side where Niall and the others are waiting. As the airlock opens on the outside, the others draw their guns. “It’s only me, don’t shoot!” Rojic hisses down at them.
Someone looses off a shot. It just impacts on the surface.
“You just scratched my ship!” Rojic yells from behind the safety of the iris valve.
“It isn’t yours!” Karnov yells back.
“If you’re going to be like that, I’m activating the door closer.”
“If you activate the door closer,” Karnov interrupts, “I’m using my door opener!” He waves his lightsabre around.
The others reluctantly put away their weapons. They don’t mean him any harm. –At least not just at the moment. While they are thinking about this, Niall shows off by levitating them all with the power of the force. “The force is strong in this one!” Niall says. Rojic is not convinced. “Only the same as an anti-grav belt. It ain’t no biggie. Just coz you’ve got elevated mitochondria, you don’t have to show off!”
“That’s ‘midichlorians’ and ‘levitate,’ -stupid!” Eventually they meet up with Rojic, who is trying to decide which way will lead to the most loot.
Once aboard, Niall, Jimmi and Karnov get a sense of foreboding. “There’s a tremor in the force.”
“A Trevor?”
“Tremor. -Like a ripple, but on land.”
“Like a shiver?”
“No. A tremor. Now are we going to start arguing all over again, or are we going to explore?”
“Explore please.”
“Okay let’s go. Say, it’s a spooky enemy ship. -Let’s split up as well.”
In unison they all repeat. “It’s a spooky enemy ship. -Let’s split up as well.”
They fall about laughing. –Even though that joke is so one-million-five-hundred-thousand years A.B.Y.
“-We’ll do more damage that way!” Someone adds. However, it is lost as the others perform a ‘supermarket sweep’ for loot.
Karnov is concentrating. The others take a well-earned rest. After this, Karnov has an announcement. “I have an uneasy feeling about this!”
“Do you mean a ‘bad’ feeling about this?”
“Yes, that too. –A badly uneasy feeling about it….” They leave him to his uneasy feelings while they try to feel more at ease about feeling bad about their looting. –It’s all rather confusing really!
Niall and Rojic decide to go aft, and look at the engines. That leaves Jimmi and Karnov to go to the bridge. Kory is undecided. The audience haven’t actually seen Kory board the ship, nor was she left behind. – After much fan discussion, she obviously decided to re-activate the security perimeter at this point, get all Schrödinger and be in two places at once.
Travelling aft, Rojic and Niall come upon a storage area. It is full of junk. There are droid bits, and cables, and pipes, hoses, hydraulics, electronics and fibre optics. It is close to Toydarian nirvana! Rojic buzzes around in hog heaven. Or is that Gamorrean Bliss? Either way, he announces, “I could live here forever!” Niall considers slamming the door shut, and locking it. – And maybe even nailing boards across it at jaunty angles.
In another part of the ship, Jimmi tells Karnov that they’re heading for the bridge.
Karnov thinks for a moment. “Can I lead with an ace?”
“Only if you have a partner!”
“Is this a sex thing?”
“Might be. I don’t want to think about it really.” Jimmi says.
“I think I have to be swimming up river for that.”
“Against the tide more like….”
Niall has finally wrenched Rojic away from the junk pile. He leads the Toydarian over to the main engine bay. From here, some of the less savoury parts of the ship are visible. “Look here! They’ve used hull sealant around all the cracks.”
“I usually use chewing gum.” Rojic says dismissively.
“Why is that?”
“It hardens faster, is sugar free, and it leaves a fresh minty smell!”
Sure enough, there are parts of Rose Wanderer that leave a lot to be desired. The ship is probably of comparable age to Storm Cutter, but if you can believe such a thing, it wasn’t looked after as well.
Rojic and Niall wander into the engine bay. The engines too have seen better days. The hyper-drive is in the worst state of repair. Rojic tells Niall what he thinks is wrong. “I think that basically, the big busbar is badly burned out. –Maybe even completely blown; busted and broke.”
“I might need that in captain dummy talk, Rojic.”
Waving his arms wildly Rojic demonstrates. “Okay. Bang! Sparks! Little flamey things maybe. Smoke. Cough cough! Help! Help! I can’t run away, coz the hyper-drive is busted all to kark! Kablooey!”
“Thanks. -I get the picture now.”
After a pause and some deep thought, Niall says. “So no hyper-drive then?”
“That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! Its been completely blown away. Kaboom!”
Niall shoots Rojic a look. Rojic denies everything. “It’s not my fault!”
“Okay….Any idea why, my little blue friend?”
“Some sort of power imbalance has knocked a phase out, and the faster-than-light motivators have blown.”
“In captain dummy talk again.” Niall asks.
“The wheel is spinning but the hampster is dead.”
“I’m sure you mean ‘hamster.’ There’s no ‘p’ in hamster.”
“There’s no ‘f’ in hamster either. -It’s dead!”
“Okay. Gotcha! But what about the backup?”
“That seems to be intact. In theory, one could limp to one’s destination.”
“What rating are they?”
Rojic stops flapping his wings, and comes to a rest. Standing on his feet for a rare occasion, he rubs his chin; squints his eyes, and ponders. “I’d say at a rough guess, times-two hyper-drive and a times-twelve backup.”
“You can tell that from just looking?”
“Yup. Just by looking. -Just looking at this handy spec-plate riveted on the base!”
Niall asks one final question. “Any idea what might have overloaded the system?”
“Maybe too many four-way extension leads plugged into one socket.”
“Nothing wrong with that.” Niall says.
“So that’s why I can heat the entire cargo bay on Storm Cutter from the fuse supplying your cabin!”
Jimmi and Karnov have found a supply hold amidships. They consider loading up their speeder with yet more supplies. Jimmi asks, “What can you see?”
“There’s all sorts of wonderful things!”
“Such as?”
“Well there’s a forty-eight roll pack of paper for the head!”
Jimmi thinks. “That’s the problem with a mainly droid crew – They’re loyal, dedicated, fanatical…. -And anally retentive!”
They move on. Another area is taken up by some sinister-looking H.R. Giger–esque machinery.
Jimmi asks, “What can you see?”
“All sorts of alien looking machinery. It’s all grotesque, twisted and blackened, and kind of….What’s the word?”
“Alien?”
“Alien!”
Karnov thinks back. Jimmi takes a tour of the room carefully and thoroughly, tapping way with the white stick, and not bumping into the machinery. – And definitely not pulling or pushing any of the inviting-looking levers, or pushing any of the tempting-looking buttons. Finally, Karnov says, “You know, this reminds me of the processing plant we saw a couple of weeks ago. Where the enemy imbued the crystals with some sort of dark-side energy, then pressed them into the transportable crystals.”
“Like these?” Jimmi asks.
Karnov looks over toward Jimmi, who is holding a crystal the size of a Ronto egg. “Yup, like those.”
Jimmi examines the machinery, carefully by feeling along a conduit to a hopper and into the guts of the machine. “So this is where they slice up the crystals to distribute through the delivery pylon on the underside of the ship. –Thus poisoning space and cutting the Jedi off from the force.”
“You can tell that from a crafty feel?”
“Well, there’s a plate here explaining it all, but I can’t see it. I think it might be in Braille, though.”
“They’re the congealed and mouldy drips from a spilt cup of coffee, Jimmi.”
“Oh…..Eeew!” Jimmi wipes a hand over a panel on a ledge. Unfortunately it doesn’t remove the residue, but merely transfers some fine black dust from the ledge onto the hand.
Karnov runs his fingers over the fine black powder. “I don’t know so much about slicing, more like pulverising into microscopic particles.”
Jimmi has an uneasy feeling. The room itself sent shivers down both spines, but this time it is more palpable. “You know, Karnov, I’ve had a strange feeling ever since we came in here.”
“The head’s along the corridor, I think.”
“Not that kind of feeling. A feeling like….”
“You’ve not felt since you were in the presence of your old master?”
“Nope.”
“Like you’re being watched?”
“No.”
“Like you need the bathroom, but can’t perform?”
“No.”
“Like you need something to eat, even though you’re not really hungry?”
Jimmi stiffens, and grabs Karnov’s arm. “That’s it!”
Jimmi taps over to the door, opens and shuts it. Then repeats the action. “Feel that?”
“No.”
“It’s like opening the fridge door.”
“What, the sense that there’s something in there, all mutated and ready to strangle you the second the door is opened wide enough?”
“No! The subtle change in pressure!”
Karnov tries the door. Now he too feels it.
Jimmi thinks aloud. “There’s pressure on one side of the door. Lower pressure in here and higher in the rest of the ship….”
“So…..The dust from the processor is kept in the room, or at least to a minimum.”
Jimmi continues. “Exactly! -And why? –I’ll tell you why. It’s probably because the dust affects the dark-side agents like it does us. – Only not nearly as much….But even still, no point eating your own poisoned dog-food.”
“Agreed!” They finish scouting around cautiously, so as not to disturb any more dust.
Jimmi warns Karnov. “Best not touch anything, especially if the dust is poisonous, and indeed, microscopic. Best not breathe it in or stir it up too much either.”
Karnov starts to creep out of the room, guiding Jimmi as he does so. As they pass the ledge, Karnov sneezes. -An almighty ‘Atishoooo!’ A big cloud of dust swirls around. Jimmi tries to get out before inhaling again. Once safely outside the door, they shut it and wait as long as they can for any residual dust to settle.
“Is it any wonder that the agents of the dark side all have respiratory conditions?”
Meanwhile, having sorted out the problem with the continuity motivator, Kory has found her way on board Rose Wanderer by way of the passenger ramp. At the top is an ominous squeaking noise. She freezes, and slowly reaches for her blaster. ‘Squeak, squeak, squeak….’ Goes the noise. Kory advances slowly. Along the corridor is the astromech droid that they captured, modified and released earlier. “Hello, Squeaky!” Kory says. “All alone are we?”
“Squeak, squeak, squeak….Pip, bleep!”
“There, there!” Kory pats the droid on the head. At this point, the little robot shoots forward and down the ramp. Kory runs to keep up. On drawing level with the droid, she reaches down and manages to switch it off. It slumps on its tracks, stock-still. “Where are you going in such a hurry, eh?”
Making sure that the astromech is off, she pushes it back up the ramp and starts to explore. On the left is a passage, which leads to a droid maintenance and recharge area. Thinking aloud, Kory speculates. “This wasn’t always a droid bay, judging by the soft furnishings, flock wallpaper and clock on the wall. Droids don’t need clocks.” She searches around, and pulls a panel off the wall. The main electrical feeds have all been modified. They have been replaced by banks of Gink droids, all daisy-chained together. “I’m no expert, but I’m guessing that they needed the power for something else…. Something that drew too many amps, hence the need for Gink droids….Normally one would be able to recharge a few droids off the main power conduit. Hmmm….Interesting!”
Jimmi and Karnov have reached the crew’s quarters. Here they find some evil-bad-guy personal effects. On a table in the room are a few strange objects. They appear to be tree pulp bound in a stiffened skin of some kind. They search their memories to identify the objects. Finally, it dawns on them. “Books!”
“Books?”
“Yes. It’s what the ancients used to record data before crystals and data-pads.”
“Wow!”
They open the books. Inside are hieroglyphs in an unknown language. “It’s all Greek to me!”
“What? Irrelevant, out-dated and bankrupt?”
“That’s about it!”
Jimmi wonders. “Any of them in Braille?”
“Nope. -But I could smack you over the head repeatedly, and pretend it’s Morse….”
Karnov scans the books and data-pads. “I’m no expert, but…”
“One day you might learn to read?”
“No. –As I was saying….I think this might be someone’s effort at working on a translation…Or making notes or something.”
“Might be interesting.”
“Might be forbidden lore.”
There is a pause. Then in unison they both say. “Mmmm….Forbidden lore!”
Rojic is assessing all the tools in the engineering bay.
“Look at the shadow boards!”
“There’s something wrong with them. Something alien and…. Well, wrong!”
They both look at them for a while. Finally, Rojic twigs. “They’re full of tools!”
“That’s it! Whenever I go for a tool on Storm Cutter, there’s only one tool on the board, and a load of silhouettes where all the others should be, but aren’t.”
Niall shivers. “These guys sure are evil!”
After wondering at the diabolical stock of tools, Rojic concludes, “Only one thing we can do….Repatriate them!”
“Who’s gonna steal them, you?”
“You bet I can!” Rojic retorts.
“You’d need a couple of Yuzzem to transport all this. Or a thousand Toydarians working around the clock….Storm Cutter is some miles across town…..”
“I’ll fly Storm Cutter here, and use my team to do transport detail.”
“Team?”
“Roger! Roger! I’ll use the droids!”
Karnov and Jimmi are checking the other cabins. Many are bare and unused. “They’re so evil, they’ve even tidied up!” They deduce that this might have been a transport ship at some time, maybe for deploying marines or commandoes or a strike force of some kind. Finally, they feel that it is time to check in with the others and make their way to the cargo bay. They stop by the supply stores. The junk and spares take them by surprise. “It’s just like a Toydarian’s wet dream!”
“It’s also covered in Toydarian paw prints and drool.”
“That’s no drool, it’s a….Actually, I’m sincerely hoping that it is drool.”
The crew meet up. Kory reports that the hold is three-quarters full of crystals. “It would appear that they had their mission cut short for some reason.”
“Well, the hyper-drive is out of action.”
“That’s probably it.”
“Find anything else?”
“There’s a med-bay with stim-shots and med-packs. Alas, there’s no bacta.”
“We found a cabin.” Jimmi reports.
“So?”
“When we got there, the cupboard was bare, but more interesting still, the effects of the crystals were somewhat diminished.”
Rojic immediately wants to go. “Show me!”
They all troop off. The cabin is a tight squeeze for all of them. After several tries at all squeezing in, they ask Kory to step outside. Suddenly there is a lot more room. “Sometimes I wish Kory wasn't so coy about smuggling things under her dress.”
They can all sense the feeling, except Rojic. Karnov, Jimmi and Niall especially so. Rojic starts tapping the panelling around the room. “Hmmm….”
“What is it? Non-standard panelling? Exotic camphorwood?”
“Not exotic, alloy.”
“Can you alloy wood?”
“No! I’m guessing that it’s an alloy of Sissorium. –Just as crude fission reactors need boron control rods to absorb the excess radiation, maybe Sissorium counters the effects of the crystals. – A panelled room might be what the bad guys need, when they want to use the force. –Though I’m guessing it doesn’t affect them as much as you three.”
There is a moment as they all take this in.
Niall comments. “I do believe your blue-thing has got it right!”
Jimmi pipes up. “No-one told me he was blue!”
While Karnov is thinking this over, the others load up Storm Cutter with what they can salvage, and decide that they should sabotage the crystal processing plant on board Rose Wanderer. When Karnov has worked it out, they send him to the processing area with a lightsabre to do some damage in a controlled way. He unscrews the bulb for the ‘on’ light. “That’ll fix ‘em!” After a while considering whether he should have sabotaged the ‘off’ light, he slices through several chunky bits with the lightsabre.
Rojic is supervising the last load going up the ramp of Storm Cutter. “You know, with squeaky, we’ve got enough droids to run the ship. No need for anyone else.”
“-And who’s going to pilot it, you?”
“I’m not such a bad navigator…. Or is it ‘navigatron?’ I know it is ‘navigatrix’ if you’re female....”
Rojic thinks for a moment. “But what does that make Jimmi?”
“The one that gets us lost?”
Niall is cross. “Well do you want to be captain?”
“Yes!”
“Well….You can’t!”
Karnov says. “We won’t give you a pay rise, but we might lengthen your job title.”
“Yeah. ‘Disposal operative’ is so much better than ‘bin man!’”
Niall and Jimmi are watching Rojic. After some minutes, Niall makes an observation. “Y’know, it’s a cruel twist of biology that Toydarians are innately disposed to stealing everything, yet only have the strength to lift a half-full box of tissues.”
Jimmi agrees. “That’s irony for you. –And an enormous sense of relief for the rest of us.”
Kory decides to ask a question. “So what are we going to do with Rose Wanderer? Without a working hyper-drive, it’ll not make the rendezvous in time if we leave it too long.”
“Agreed. We need to pilot it remotely.”
“Can we actually do that?”
“Sure. It shouldn’t take too long to set it up.” Rojic assures her.
Kory has another question. “-And what about the crystal dispersal system?”
Karnov is on the case. “I’ll take care of that!” With a few more deft sweeps of the lightsabre, he renders the machinery beyond use.
Niall chips in. “We need to offload the crystals and hand over our prisoners.”
“Already in hand. A hazmat team are on their way.”
“So we need hazmat suits to work with this stuff?”
“Oh yes! -Always did.”
“And we came aboard in….Flight-suits and shades?”
“Well, it was sunny.”
Kory corrects Niall. “Speak for yourself. I only wore a tee-shirt and daisy dukes.”
Niall is about to say ‘me too’ but stops himself just in time.
“All set then?”

They go about their business. The hazmat team arrive. They deal with the dangerous cargo aboard Rose Wanderer, and another team deal with the remaining prisoners. Finally, the crew are ready to go. They leave the hazmat team with the rendezvous co-ordinates, and some specific instructions. Rose Wanderer lifts off and heads for space. Storm Cutter is not far behind. An extra panel is set into the central console for remotely controlling the other ship. The crew find Squeaky a home, and the other droids offer him cheese as a goodwill gesture. Niall decides to apply some oil to his mechanism, and eliminate the squeak.
“Where did you get the oil?”
“There’s plenty aboard. -Every time someone opens a tin of tuna fish.”
Everyone shoots a look at Karnov.
“I only like it because the Mon Calamari eat it all the time. -I’m just being neighbourly.”
“Great. So now Squeaky….-actually as the sole survivor we might rename him ‘Lucky’- moves around silently and smells of dead fish?”
Everyone looks at Karnov again. He merely checks that his lightsabre is on his belt, and no one says another word.
They set course for Kegan. Kory whoops her delight at heading out into space again. Rojic is trying to get around a long and exhaustive list of things to do with the crystals removed from Rose Wanderer. He also experiments putting up some kind of screen using Sissorium panel samples removed from the other craft.
After a few hours, they arrive at the Kegan system. There is not much there. However, in orbit is a hyperspace docking ring. They observe it on the way down to their co-ordinates. They approach a rainforest clearing at the edge of a cliff. Two geodesic domes take up some of the space. The rest is clear but for a crude camp. The weather is rather inclement, or as Rojic puts it. “Pissing down.” On a landing pad, jutting out from the cliff is an old-fashioned Jedi starfighter.

They set Storm Cutter down on a second pad. A wide eighteen-inch walkway leads back to the less scary edge of the cliff. Over the side they can just about make out the ocean, a mere three-hundred-and-fifty meters below. They make their way along the walkway. At the end stands a robed figure. It is cold and wet-through. The bedraggled figure reveals itself. It is Master Masari Junn, Karnov’s mentor. Master Junn gives an explanation for being there. “I didn't want to stand on the slippery walkway with a third of a kilometer drop on either side, with the wind and rain lashing horizontally.” He also recently escaped capture by the separatists. He is here to continue Karnov’s training and to oversee their ongoing mission.
Karnov shrugs his shoulders. It isn’t going to be easy to behave with his mentor watching every move….
NEXT EPISODE: Training time.
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Footnotes: