"Going Commando."

Written and Directed by:
Anthony Hummerston. .

STARRING:

Karnov,   Jimmi,   Niall,   Rojic,    Ta'alan,  Mama
And special guest stars:
Hen3ry , Joe-9T, Trio and 'Blinkie.'
as the droids.
AND
Storm Cutter, all redecorated in Republic white and red livery -all smeary and a little bit pink!

AND
Special guuest star: Oona As the girlfiend.

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +

The clone wars rage on. Still reeling from the events on Qa’dara and the shocking revelation about Master Junn, our heroes struggle to keep order as they are dragged further into the conflict.

Behind the scenes, sinister forces have hatched a new offensive. A faceless enemy hopes to strike a fatal blow to the clone forces, and ultimately to heart of the Republic.

Generals KILLIAN and KARNOV are pressed into service running relief clones and supplies to a remote outpost just outside Bothan space. Hoping that this is a short interlude before returning to the fray, Storm Cutter happens across a ship in distress. Meanwhile, general Karnov is torn between her duty to the Republic and the search for her master....

“Fire!” Trio says, with some urgency.

“Fire?”

“Fire!” Trio says again, emerging from the galley. “Though it will be over soon. -After all, a raging inferno won’t rage forever.”

Trio wafts at the smoke coming from beneath the door. To divert attention away from the conflagration, she asks innocently, “Anyway, what were you talking about?”

Rojic is in an upbeat mood. “We were just reminding Karnov how much Master Junn duped her. –How much of a failure she is….How much of her training has been wasted….How stupid she’s been….How….”

“Enough!” Karnov wails, feeling dejected.

Rojic babbles on. “You know, it’s a surprise how she couldn’t tell the difference between sweet, lovable, kindly Junn and the cruel, homicidal, incompetent Junn.”

Joe-9T wades in. “Well Karnov is easily duped. Easily deceived, easily confused….”

“I’m not!” Karnov says, pointing to her elbow. “This is my….Um….Er….Um…” She gives up, and points to here rear. “-And this is the other….Er….Thing.”

Mama comes up the ramp. She looks at the fire -now reduced to a mere intense blaze. “Trio?”

The others nod. Mama is pacified somewhat. “Still, it’s nothing compared to the damage you lot have done over the years.”

Karnov is the first to respond. “When did we ever damage your ship?”

Mama looks around. “Every time you take her up.” A loose part clangs to the floor beneath the ramp.

“….And pretty much every time you’re in it too.”

Niall defuses the argument before it starts. “Is there any news?”

“The General is about to issue some orders. I was just going to collect some supplies to take to Ta’alan.”

“Why can’t he fetch them himself?”

“He’s in the field hospital.”

Rojic buzzes over. “So that Twi’lek girl finally cut off his bits!. Good for her!”

“No. Nothing like that.”

“Shame!”

“He wasn’t injured in the battle was he?” Niall asks, just as Kory comes aboard. “No. Nothing like that either. He was showing off to some girls and had an accident with a speeder and a wall.”

“I guess he’ll get a purple heart for that then!” Rojic says.

“Well actually….” Karnov starts to say, but Kory stops her. “No. Definitely not. A purple heart is for an injury sustained during battle with enemy combatants. – Crashing your speeder into a wall while trying to get into a girl’s boudoir certainly doesn’t qualify.”

“It wasn’t her boudoir he was trying to get into!” Rojic chuckles, making his rude gesture.

“If you don’t get hurt trying to get into a girl’s bed, you may be doing something wrong.” Niall tells them. He leaves the comment hanging in the air.

“Talking of bed,” Rojic says after they’ve all had a think about this, “I’m off to my hammock.”

He flaps off. “Shame we can’t tie the hammock up in some deep space cruiser.” Kory says.

“Actually on the outside of some space cruiser might be better….”

They are interrupted by a polite cough. A clone has approached the ship. He snaps off a polite salute. “Generals….”

“Aha! Our orders.” Niall says, welcoming the clone aboard.

“A holo from the General. He sends his apologies, but suddenly there are a lot of meetings to go to, sir. –Something to do with General Junn.”

“Ah yes….After the battle comes the recriminations, the post mortem and the debriefings….” Karnov says, well aware of the protocols of battle.

“-And don’t forget the old-fashioned Jedi cover-up.” Niall reminds her.

“Debreifing – that’s what Ta’alan was doing!” Rojic gurgles; -more to himself than to the others.

The clone holds out a code cylinder and a holo. Niall takes the holo. “Thanks.” He recognises the clone, -one of D’Estrella’s aides.

“You’re one of D’Estrella’s aides aren’t you?” He says, completely unaware of the previous sentence.

“Yes sir!” The clone says, “Clone four-six-seven-seven-four-three.”

“Yes, yes, yes….I never forget a face.”

“I’m the same as my brothers sir. All two-hundred thousand of them.”

“Exactly. That’s why I can’t forget!”

“Your cylinder sir.” The clone offers.

Something strikes Niall. He has a thought too. “It’s ‘Pinky’ isn’t it?”

“That’s right sir. My brothers nicknamed me ‘Pinky,’ on account that I have an extra digit.”

“I bet it’s the seven.” Karnov says, thinking of the clone’s number.

“No digit – as in finger.” Pinky holds up his left hand. – sure enough he has six fingers on it.

“I didn’t know that the colonel has Aids.” Rojic says, coming back from his nap.

“He has aides, not Aids.” Karnov says, showing rare insight.

“Put it on.” Kory says, taking the holo cube from Pinky, and passing it to Rojic.

They watch the holo. Karnov wonders whether there is any popcorn.

After a concise briefing. Niall snaps off the holo player.

“Any questions?”

“Yeah….What are we doing again?” Karnov asks. “Just to be clear….”

“Okay.” Niall summarises. “We load up with supplies. We wait for a squad of clones. Then we go to the co-ordinates supplied on the code-cylinder. It’s a listening post on the edge of Bothan space. They didn’t get their changeover transport about a week ago.”

“What about Kory and Oona?”

“They come with us. We’re dropping them off. They’ll be picked up by another transport in a day or two –they’ve got an assignment to go to further out.”

“-And Mama?”

“She’s staying behind. –They need an expert to go over some ship-gun schematics.”

“Why can’t clones work on the guns?”

“They didn’t pay attention in the briefing, they asked too many stupid questions and were court-martialled.”

“Oh. –Then what?” Karnov asks, not realising that the others are making fun of her.

Kory takes up the tale. “They were made to run around Aurek base on Hoth –naked. –While Twi’lek ladies made comments about how cold it was.”

“Oh….Right. –Best pay attention then.”

“Briefing is over.”

“So is the précis.”

Karnov thinks. It takes some time. “Did you just say pretzels?”

Several automated trolleys turn up. Loading droids start pushing past the sofa on the loading ramp and placing crates and boxes around the cargo hold. A squad of clones arrives. Their sergeant, a clone nicknamed ‘Zane’ introduces himself and settles them in. The clones are nervous. After all it isn’t every day one shares such close quarters with two real-live generals!

Niall and Rojic are doing pre-flight checks. Kory helps Trio to deal with the aftermath of the fire in the galley.

“What were you making exactly?”

“Naengguk soup, sir.”

“It’s ma’am.” Kory corrects the droid.

“Certainly sir. Naengguk ma’am, sir.”

Kory sighs, “Never mind.”

The clones are talking quietly. Every now and again they glance nervously at Joe-9T.

“That’s the sniper droid!” One whispers.

“Two hundred and forty confirmed kills.”

“That’s not sniping – that’s a massacre.”

“Still they were only clankers.”

Joe-9T has turned up his audio receptors. “I’m just off to my room….” He says, “To draw some more clones on my wall.”

“He must like clones,” Zane says, “Sweet really.”

Joe-9T picks up a red marker pen and adds, “-And when I’ve drawn them all, I can cross them all off. All two hundred and forty of ‘em! Gotta keep count of my kills, after all.”

The clones gulp and are suddenly very busy.

In the cockpit, Karnov, Niall and Rojic are making last minute adjustments. Niall emerges from the inside of a console. “Now Mama’s gone, I think I can eliminate the annoying squeak in here.”

“Finally,” Karnov says, “Some peace and quiet when we fly.”

Niall draws a blaster and points it at a cowering Rojic.

“Goodbye annoying squeak, hello peaceful travelling!”

“Bantha poodoo!” Rojic says, starting a stream of obscenities.

Niall holsters his blaster. “Thing wasn’t loaded anyway.” He grins.

“Should’ve used a lightsabre really,” He says, “It’s not as clumsy or as random as a blaster. -An elegant weapon, for a more civilised way of ridding the galaxy of pesky Toydarians.”

Karnov sits down. “Actually the squeak was in the captain’s chair.” She bounces up and down and spins around a few times. There is silence. “Of course now that the weight limit is no longer exceeded…..”

Rojic has regained his composure. “Actually there is still a rattling under the floor….”

“That’d be the escaped Sith….” Niall says, hoping to get a reaction.

“Pfft! If he can survive a month in deep space where the temperature was pretty much absolute zero….He deserves a free ride.”

“Actually it’s a snake.” Karnov says, goading Rojic.

“Not a problem for me. I don’t walk on the ground.”

“It’s a bird-eating snake.”

“Still not a problem….” Rojic flutters higher.

“A rattlesnake. – One of the really deadly ones.” Niall says. There is a glimmer of fear in Rojic’s eyes now. “-And he’s got a blaster rifle….” Karnov adds. By now, Rojic has fled down the corridor. “Funny how he scares so easily.” Karnov says, “Must be genetic. – Much like the yellow streak down his back!”

“Well I think we’re ready to go. I for one could wrestle a Gundark.” Niall says, flexing his muscles.

“You’d better get one in here and take the clones’ minds off Rojic. He’s been baiting then with the old ‘you don’t get paid’ routine again.”

“Work, work, work!” Niall grumbles. They go to rescue the clones from Rojic. “Actually there’s something small that’s been irritating me all along…..” Karnov says, coming up behind the Toydarian. “Yeah, me too. –Only I can’t quite grasp it.”

Rojic is now hovering over the clones to give the two Jedi some room. “The reason I can’t put my finger on it.” Niall says, swiping at Rojic, “Is ‘coz it keeps flying away.” The clones grin nervously.

Rojic uses his vantage point, a foot from the ceiling to bait the two Jedi in return. “Here they are: The galactic police.”

“Actually our role is more that of peacekeepers.” Karnov reminds him.

“Just when there’s a major galactic war on. –Well good luck with that!” Rojic taunts her, flapping off.

Niall addresses the clones. “You might consider getting a really big can of Raid. In the meantime, feel free to shoot any flying crew-members.”

Kory strides up. “Everything is stowed away, sweetie. The clones are ready, the fire is out. We’re good to go.”

“Best get strapped in then. These take offs are usually rather hairy.” The clones look for something solid to hold on to. Nothing on board ship fits their requirements. They all assume the crash position.

They wait. They wait some more. Karnov says, “That was the smoothest take-off yet.” Finally Niall snaps his fingers. “That’s because Mama isn’t flying….In fact it’s because I’m your pilot today.” He strides off.

Kory goes through a hasty pre-flight safety speech:

“Welcome to civilian freighter Storm Cutter. I will now go through the required safety aspects before we depart. Captain Niall is gently warming up the engines…..” There is a massive howling noise from the port side. “…. While we retract the loading ramp.” The ramp closes with lots of creaking and a juddering noise. The sofa slides down it to rest at a jaunty angle at the bottom. Before slowly toppling over.

Undeterred, Kory continues, “In the event of an emergency we may require you to adopt the brace position….Oh I see you already know that one!”

“We were on a drop-ship with your former pilot.” One of the clones says, his head firmly between his knees.

“Yeah, those LAATs are just tinfoil and balsa wood.” Karnov adds, looking around Storm Cutter. “This is made of sterner stuff: Plywood and bubblegum!”

Kory is undeterred. “We don’t have any seat belts. You can use the sofa and superglue if you feel the need to remain in your seat….Or you can nail your mattress to the ceiling.” The clones look nervous.

“There are two escape pods….One located to your left, the other behind the cockpit. Please be aware of any emergency lighting and that the closest escape pod may be leaving you behind….After all, they only hold one person….Or two if the passengers really like one another.”

“I think Niall and Oona have bagsied the one behind the cockpit.” Karnov adds.

“If you are in an escape pod with a Toydarian….” Kory purrs, warming to her role, “Please feel free to shoot it in order to conserve oxygen.”

Kory points to a no-smoking sign. “Please be aware that smoking is not allowed during flight, unless Trio is rustling up a salad again in the galley.” Trio waves a celery stick at them apologetically.

“In a decompression emergency you’ll freeze before you get your mask on….. Let alone get to the first marker. In the event of landing on water, please be aware that Karnov may be swimming in it before you bail.”

Karnov pulls a life jacket out of a locker. Kory purrs, “Should you be in need of a floatation device the nearest Quarren or Toydarian should be used first.” She demonstrates by hugging Karnov. “–Failing that, use a cushion or seat cover”

“To inflate a life jacket, pull the green tag, press the yellow button, unzip the toggle pocket, unscrew the air valve three and a half turns anticlockwise, one turn clockwise, line up the arrows, tread water desperately and yell ‘inflate you stupid bugger!’”

Kory gives a little curtsey, and turns to Karnov, who has the last word. “In the event of a crash, place your head between your legs and kiss your elbow goodbye!”

Niall is feeling at home in the cockpit. –There’s strangely a lot more room to move about without Mama in the other seat. He brushes toy Rontos out of the way, checks everything twice, gets clearance to take off, and smoothly lifts off into the atmosphere. As soon as they hit space, he dumps the garbage (two gallons of carbonised Naengguk soup) and plugs in the code cylinder. Once the navigation computers have done their calculations, he eases Storm Cutter into hyperspace. They are on their way!

The journey will take about thirteen hours. Aware that a previous transport has failed to make its destination, Kory busies herself fine-tuning the sensor array. “Of course knocking the dish every time we fly doesn’t help….” She says, hoping for a reaction.

A few hours later, Karnov joins Niall and Kory. “The clones are getting restless.” She reports, “I think they’ve stowed their equipment at least three times.”

“They can help around the ship if they’re bored.” Rojic says, emerging from a cubby-hole with a tin of paint. “The hull could do with a spruce up.”

Niall points out something important. “They’re comms technicians.”

“Then let them work on the comms. -There is a persistent and annoying buzzing sound over the intercom.” Kory tells him.

“That’d be Rojic!”

“More likely it’d be Kory in her room.” Rojic scoffs, deflecting the attention away from himself.

They all think about the implications of this. “Is it your snoring or your little Kushiban friend?” Karnov asks. Kory refuses to elaborate.

“They’ll not be bored for long,” Kory says, “I can keep them occupied.”

The others burst into spontaneous laughter.

“I’ve no doubt about that….” Karnov shouts after her. “Just tell ‘em you’re on campaign!”

“Just like our Kory to jump on a squad of clones to save their boredom. Very noble.”

“Saving their virginity too!”

Rojic flies over to the clones. “The lady’ll keep you busy. –Keep your peckers up….” He tells them. The clones grin wolfishly.

In the end the clones start re-wiring the sensor arrays and upgrading the internal comms systems. They like working with Kory – and who wouldn’t? They are still wary of Niall and Karnov. After some hours, Rojic appears and runs some tests. “Perfect! You all did a grand job!”

Everyone agrees. Everyone except Oona. “Where is Oona?”

“In her cabin. Being agreeable.”

“Being a greeble?”

“No. Being agreeable.” Rojic turns up the comm feed from her room. “Listen,” He says, they all crowd in close, “She is certainly agreeing with Niall a lot.”

“Yes, Oh Niall yes! Yes! Oh yess!” They hear Oona moaning.

“Work, work, work.” Joe-9T says, with a hint of irony.

They retire to their rooms for some rest. The noises echoing around the ship are not conducive to sleeping, however.

After several false alarms, Kory turns the sensitivity of the sensors down. “We’re getting false positives every time we pass a speck of space dust.” She says, but everyone has gone to supper. She joins them.

“Great troughing!” Rojic says, his mouth full – as well as both hands. “Army rations! Pfft! Give me a rare Nerf steak; cheesy peas; crinkly chips and a glass of Bantha milk any day!”

“What about the clones?” Kory asks, before sitting down.

“Nah! I couldn’t eat one of them!”

Karnov informs them of the situation. “They’ve got their ration packs. Brown goo – it comes in a tube. All the rainbow of flavours.”

“Didn’t Trio rustle them up a meal?”

“She did. The clones said that though her fruit salad was more nutritious, it was even muddier in colour than their rations. –Probably overcooked as well.”

“This will not do!” Kory snaps. Niall is feeling guilty too. “I suppose we could invite them to dinner.”

“We haven’t really started yet.” Niall says, picking up a fork. “Only Rojic is on his fourth helping. –One of which was mine.” He jabs Rojic with the fork.

Karnov gets up. “Oh clones! She calls, “Kory would like you all to join her.”

“Where did I hear that before?” Rojic says between mouthfuls.

The clones troop in. They sit down quietly and try not to look anyone in the eye. – After all, they are dining with several senior officers of the Republic.

“Maybe Kory would like to break the ice.” Niall says, feeling slightly awkward.

“What’s she gonna do? Dance naked on the table?”

“Not AGAIN –Surely!”

“Maybe later sweetie….” Oona says, “Kory and I could do a routine…. Anyone got any olive oil?”

Before anyone can say, “I’ll be in my bunk,” a beeper sounds from the cockpit.

“What’s that?”

“Proximity alarm. We probably passed a small moon or something.”

“Still needs a little attenuating.” Kory says. The clones still haven’t said a word or started eating. “Come on boys….” Kory purrs, “We don’t bite.”

“Unless you pay extra!” Rojic jokes.

“Actually that reminds me of a funny time I had back on Nar Shaddaa….” Kory says, remembering a story. “My Hutt wanted some makeup- Don’t ask me why, so he hired this Devaronian as a personal assistant. It turned out that all this girl knew how to do was two-finger typing and polishing her horns all day….”

“That’s two more things than Karnov can do.” Rojic scoffs. The clones titter. The ice broken, they settle down to a fine meal and swap tales. Karnov remains aloof. At the end of Kory’s tale, Rojic settles down with a fat death-stick and starts droning on about hyperdrives and heat loss. Joe-9T records a fraction in case he ever wants to torture someone at a later date and has run out of white noise.

“Adiabatic processes in hyperdrives,” Rojic says, “Can occur if the container of the system has thermally insulated walls or the process happens in an extremely short time, so that there is no opportunity for significant heat exchange. Although the terms adiabatic and isocaloric can often be interchanged, adiabatic processes may be considered a subset of isocaloric processes; the remaining complement a subset of isocaloric processes. -Being processes during which net heat transfer does not diverge locally. -Such as in an idealized case with mediums of infinite thermal conductivity or non-existent thermal capacity. –Such as those in space. Ideally…..”

By the end of the lecture all the students have gone to bed. –Indeed, even most of Rojic’s brain has gone to sleep.

When everyone is retired, Trio turns off the lights. The ship hums gently, its hyperspace journey just over a half completed. Kory has set an alarm to wake her when they are within a few minutes of their destination. The clones are resting, talking or lying on their bunks smoking.

An alarm beeps. Kory turns over. “Hmm….Five more minutes….”

In the cabin next door, Oona awakes. “What’s that beeping?”

“Proximity alarm.” Niall says.

“I don’t think I could get much closer….” Oona responds, snuggling up to him.

“Hyperdrive has dropped too.” Niall says, suddenly stiffening.

“Oooh!” Oona squeals. “Hmm….Five more times….?”

“Not that kind of stiffening….” Niall reproaches her. He slides out of bed and opens the door.

“Aren’t you forgetting something, sweetie?” Oona asks. Niall gives her a quick kiss and leaves. He stomps off to the cockpit. Oona gives it a minute and then calls after him.

“Señor, your pyjamas!” Oona shouts. Niall stomps back, grabs his nightshirt, slips it on, and pads to the cockpit.

“Hyperdrive has dropped.” He says, as Kory wanders in, wearing next to nothing.

“It’s another few hours yet.”

“True.” Niall checks the chronometer. “Three hours forty to go.”

“Reset the alarm, turn down the sensitivity and go back to bed.” Kory suggests.

“Thanks, but I got my hands full with Oona.”

“Maybe another time, sweetie.” Kory says, teasing him with a generous view of cleavage.

“Perhaps we’re encountering what happened to the last transport.”

“Pick up visual scanning. Get Karnov to man the turrets. Her low-light vision might help. The sensors are showing a lot of interference. –I’ll try running it through the filters.”

A moment or two later, Karnov reports in. “I think I can make out something drifting in space. Could be a ship.”

“Rojic that.” Niall says, trying to make a joke.

“Why are we stopped?”

“Emergency channel must be active. Any ship with a responder drops from hyperspace. – It’s an automatic response to a distress signal.”

“The gaffa-tape must’ve peeled off the reset switch.” Rojic says, blearily. “I’ll get some more.”

“Turn up the volume on the comm.” Niall orders. Kory does so. A crackly message comes across the comm on an emergency channel. It is in several languages as once, including Welsh:

“Helpa fi! Helpwch fi! Mae fy hofrenfad yn llawn llyswennod. Un ar ddeg a phedwar M’anameé ugain. Pedwar a pedair ar hugain. dwy fil a phump. Helpa fi! Helpwch fi!”

And bocce:   “__/o\….HhhhH….////OOOOooooEeeE////>>>>@@@@LllloooL$$$$\\\\^^^^PppP….!!!!\o/__”

And Huttese:     “Helpmadoo. Helpmadoo. Helpmadoo. Poodoo! Minah shipdoo donda blamma-doo. M’anameé Flippashippa spacedo- do-motavatoo de plosive-extah. Me wanna wanga go do Bothandwhyy. Wheredoofuc-ah-am-iy-doo-dah? Musha ring dum a do dum a da. Whackada fah my daddy-o, Whack ffahhra my daddy-o. There's whiskadoo in doo jar-o. Medoonoo. Poodoo! Helpmadoo. Helpmadoo. Helpmadoo!”

And binary:    “01001000 01000101 01001100 01010000”

And basic:    “Mayday, Mayday, Mayday, XS-D Freighter M’anameé Hyperspace eject – Power failure. Limping to Bothwai. Last Known G-Cords 4664 – 4544 – 4889 – 775-1. Mayday, Mayday, Mayday!”

“Visual scan confirms object in space.” Karnov reports in.

“I’m seeing it too, Kory says, I thought it was two moons, but now I’m seeing it better.”

The clones nod in agreement. They can see right into the cockpit, and are tracing the contours of Kory’s nightwear with their eyes. “Two moons is right….”

“Hmmmm, yes. -What a heavenly body!”

Niall snaps into action. “Action stations everyone! You’ve got precisely two minutes to get ready. Zane, ready your men.”

Karnov’s voice comes over the comm. “She’s a ship adrift. Light freighter- about our size. Hatches top and bottom.”

“Ventral and dorsal.” Niall corrects her. “I’d expect an aquatic creature to know that….”

“Rojic, try to clean up the scan signal. I’m getting lots of static….” Kory orders.

“Try to avoid nylon nightwear.” Rojic advises.

“What are you getting?” Niall asks Kory, who is still trying to make sense of the scanner.

“Two cupcakes….A flower…A cave…A lighthouse….A train going into a tunnel….” Kory says suggestively.

Niall reads off a display. “As far as I can tell there’s atmosphere….”

Kory adds, “But the temperature is well below zero.”

“You might have to put some clothes on, then.” Karnov warns, “We’re coming up fast and its cold in there.”

Rojic giggles. “Kory and Niall could go over naked and see just how cold it is. – Then to conserve heat, share bodily warmth….!”

Niall says, “Stand by. I’ll try and draw us together. Gently does it. Ease into position. – Airlock to airlock.”

“I like the sound of that sweetie!” Kory says, changing into cold weather gear.

“Top hatch to top hatch. The merest suggestion of a kiss…” Niall says, flirting outrageously with her across the comm.

“Oh sweetie, I’m just melting here….”

“Let me come and scoop you up.”

“I’m slipping into something more comfortable….And more revealing…..”

“You can just wear the fur coat….And some high heels….Maybe just a hint of that perfume….”

Oona’s voice cuts into their conversation. “Niall, you know that exercise you do….With the lightsabre and the little floating spheres?”

“Yeah….”

“Imagine those little floating spheres are your testicles…..”

There is a collective ‘sharp intake of breath’ across the ship. Niall is suddenly a lot more business-like.

“Ahem! Er….No AG on the other ship…. Even so, top to top makes it difficult, as you establish gravity- you find yourself walking on their ceiling….Or on yours when you get back.”

“Or all the underwear falls out of their drawers.” Rojic says, sniggering. Kory shoots him a glance. He busies himself with his duties. “Locking onto the ship. It’s on minimal power – heaters keeping the chill of space off, but only just. No signs of life.. I’ll run a power feed. Take us in close.”

“Put the plug in the socket. Get some power. Gently does it, then go for the burn.” Niall says without thinking.

“Floating balls!” Oona warns him.

“No alien pathogens detected. No signs of organic life. –Pods are intact.” Kory reads off the display. “I wonder….”

There is barely a kiss as the two ships dock. Niall grins like a Cheshire cat. “Easy peasy!”

There is the slightest hiss as the airlock opens. Our heroes are wrapped up warm to protect them against the cold. The other ship is decidedly chilly. Kory is wearing a lovely fur coat. More than one clone tries to imagine that that is all she is wearing.

“Must be forty below in here!” Karnov says. Stepping aboard.

“Forty below mine, that’s for sure!” Rojic quips, flapping vigorously to keep his core temperature up. “I’ll kick in the heaters and the AG. – Storm Cutter has more than enough power to supply two ships.”

“How come?”

“Fine tuning of her hyperdrive- plus there are extra power slaves for the uprated guns. I’ll run a bypass.”

“It’s quiet….Too quiet.” Niall says in a whisper as they set foot on board the M’anameé.

“HELLO! ANYONE HERE!” Karnov yells at the top of her voice.

“Great kid. Let them all know we’re here!”

Karnov is unapologetic. “Besides, the space pirates are probably sneaking back to our ship as we speak.”

“There’s Oona and a squad of clones on standby.” Niall reminds her. “Then there’s the droids….And Joe-9T of course.”

“I suppose a droid could vent the atmosphere to space, asphyxiate the organics and still operate.”

“There’s a comforting thought.”

“Let’s split up!” Kory suggests. Niall and I can for forward, Rojic, you try the engine bay….”

“I’ll look at he cargo hold.” Karnov volunteers.

“Try and get some light going….” Kory tells Rojic. “-And the internal com.”

Rojic blinks at her. Undeterred Kory continues, “-And pull off a manifest. – Download the last few trips from the nav computer. Check the internals for damage – and the externals for signs of a fight.”

“Anything else, your madamship?” Rojic asks, baulking at the list of things to do.

“Actually a nice cup of tea would be a good idea.” Niall jokes. “Hurry up!”

Rojic flaps off. Karvov goes portside to check on the cargo bay.

“Tell me,” Kory asks Niall, pressing close to him. “What’s Oona got that I haven’t?”

“Er….Blue skin….Lekku to die for….”

“Well apart from the obvious.”

“A concealed vibroknife and a temper.” Niall says.

“She wouldn’t hurt me sweetie. –We’re friends.”

“It’s not you I’m worried about. -I might want children one day.”

Kory blows him a kiss, and strides off to the cockpit.

In the end, Niall fixes the ship’s intercom. “Hello. Hello. Testing! testing! One, two ,three. This is Generals Killian and Karnov of the galactic Republic…..”

There is an eerie silence. He waits for some seconds. Karnov starts stepping from one foot to the other, while flapping with her gloves, which are conveniently attached to her coat by a string that passes up the arms and behind her back.

They all peel off, leaving Niall to fiddle with the intercom. “Testing….Testing….” He puts back a loose wire and pushes the reset button. Rojic, meantime has cut in the emergency batteries, and pulled a few more amps form Storm Cutter. The lamps glow a little brighter and Kory’s voice is loud and clear over the ship. “I’m not wearing any underwear…..”

“I think we all heard that!” Niall says. “I’m coming to join you.”

“Not interested in your sartorial choices.” Karnov says. Rojic just says, “I’m not wearing any either….”

Having made sure the comm is in working order, they set about their duties. Kory has found a navigation station behind the bridge of the M’anameé. The consoles are all intact and apart from having little or no power, seem to be in working order. A bed is in the middle of the room, making it into a makeshift cabin.

Niall joins her. “Some of these old freighters are single-person occupancy.” Kory muses, “A captain likes to be near the bridge in case of emergency.”

“Anything interesting?” Niall asks.

“I found a pair of old socks, a hairbrush and a picture of a Mirialan couple.”

“What about the ship’s logs.”

“No power on this console, but I can patch it through to the bridge.”

“Talking of which, the door is closed….And locked.”

“Aha! I like a challenge!” From somewhere Kory produces a slim roll of tools. A large bobby pin is evident too. “There isn’t a door in the galaxy I can’t open….” She says, poking around for a keyhole or opening console.

“It’s a swish-swash door. – Standard power-feed…..Ah….no power….” Kory tries to slide the doors.

“I figured that out already….” Niall says, “Do you want me to cut through with a lightsabre....?”

Kory considers. “Actually if you can haul on the leftmost door, I might get my teeny cold hand in and release whatever is barring it.”

“Is your teeny hand frozen?” Karnov asks over the comm and spoiling the joke.

With a little pushing and shoving and fumbling in the semi-dark and the cold, they remove the obstruction – a chesterfield sofa – and slide the doors open.

“Oh….My….” Kory says with a gasp.

Meanwhile, Karnov has opened the door of the leftmost cargo bay. There is room to move around, but the walls are stacked with silver boxes, crates and several large cabinets as big as wardrobes. Karnov lets her eyes adjust to the low-light levels. She stands still, scanning slowly. “Medical supplies….” She muses, looking at symbols on the boxes. “Stims, adrenals, kolto packs, dressings.…” She picks up a datapad. She flicks through the entries and calls up a manifest. There are several hundred entries of the latest cargo – most of which are in this bay. “Kolto cabinets….Eight.” she reads.

She counts the large cabinets. “One….Two….Three….Some more…..Eight!”

Rojic is tinkering with the hyperdrive. There seems to be nothing fundamentally wrong. “Just needs a cold start.” He says, flipping switches and blowing on his frozen hands. The heaters take a while to get going. Rojic flaps at double speed to keep warm. It also makes him hungry again. To take his mind off it, he starts putting post-it notes on everything. “Mine….Mine….This is mine….Not worth salvaging….”

Karnov is still poking around the port cargo bay. She has the funny feeling that she isn’t alone. She snaps off the datapad and looks around. Her superior low-light vision picking out details in the blackness. The light level in the bay is no more than a red-shaded 5-watt nightlight. Karnov ignites her lightsabre, bathing everything in an aquamarine glow. As she does so, a blaster shot sings out past her ear and slams into a crate in front of her. She has a sudden thought. She spins around to face her attacker, to find herself face to face with a pair of robotic eyes. The eye-bones are connected to the head-neck-chest-arm-trigger-finger-bones. Them bones fire the blaster again, hitting Karnov point blank in the chest. There is a strong smell of singed calamari in the room. Karnov’s training kicks in and she lashes out with a foot, kicking the driod that stands before her, spoiling its aim. As she steps into the blow, her lightsabre lashes across and down splitting the droid nearly in half. A reverse cut finishes the attack, sweeping off the legs. The droid parts fall in an untidy heap. Some latent action moves one of the arms in an arc, taking aim at Karnov’s knees. Before it can fire however, Karnov stands on the elbow joint, denying it a final accurate shot. A deft flick with the lightsabre severs the fingers from the hand. The blaster bolt hits the wall sparking and fizzing. Karnov stands on the arm until the actuators discharge and the arm goes completely dead.

The intercom clicks on. Karnov yells, “It’s a trap!”

In the cockpit, Niall turns with his lightsabre at the ready. Kory draws her blaster.

Karnov elaborates. “Droid of some kind. Mottled brown markings, truncated snout….”

“Commando droid!” Niall says, “On my way….”

Rojic dives for a console to try to run a scan. The console shows minimal power. He pounds it with his fists. Beneath his feet a small cylinder rolls, coming to rest at the foot of the console. The slightest ‘thud’ is the first Rojic knows of it. As he glances down to investigate the source of the noise, the thing goes ‘POP!’

A brilliant flash paints Rojic’s shadow on the ceiling. A sixth sense lets him turn one-hundred-and-eighty degrees and flap awkwardly toward the door. His progress is hampered somewhat by a sharper ‘crack’ as a blaster bolt hits him squarely in the chest, blowing him backward like a swatted fly. The force of the blast sends him sprawling back, slamming into the console, winding him and putting out the light. He slumps blind and stunned to the floor, his life-force slipping away fast. “What was that?” Niall demands over the intercom.

“Sounds like the engine room.” Karnov replies. “Making my way there now.”

Karnov wants to get a handle on the situation. “Rojic….Rojic?” There is no reply. Niall glances at Kory, who is at his side. “Sound off.” He demands over the intercom. Kory puts a hand on his arm for reassurance. “Karnov reporting.” Karnov’s voice echoes through the ship. There is silence from Rojic. After ten seconds or so, Kory says, “Kory here.” Into Niall’s ear. He gives her one of those “?” looks, followed by a “!” look. She shrugs off her foolishness. Niall and Karnov start making their way along the central corridor toward the engine bay.

They stop at the doorway. Niall raises a hand to advise caution. Karnov peers in. Despite the very low-light, she can see Rojic in a heap on the floor, unmoving.

“Do you want the good news or the bad?” Karnov asks. Niall shrugs, as he prepares to lift Rojic’s lifeless body to him with the force. Karnov takes this as her cue. “I think he’s dead.”

There is a second’s silence as the enormity of this statement sinks in.

“So what’s the bad news?” Niall asks.

There is another pause as long as the first. At the end of this, Rojic groans.

“I think he’s not dead!”

Niall groans as much as Rojic. With the force he pulls his crewman over and lays on some healing. Karnov assists by healing herself. Rojic’s wings flap slowly like a butterfly freshly emerged from its chrysalis.

Rojic takes a deep breath. “You okay?” Karnov asks, matter-of-factly.

“Stinking karking droid poodoo!”

“Eh?” Niall says then wishes he hadn’t.

“Flarrln! Freeg! Tinknatzen! Drent! Shrell! Gorrinda! Skaznik! Franding! Bolloz!”

“-I think he’s trying to say something rude, but the rules of science fiction profanity are getting in the way.”

Rojic has gone a shade of purple. “Grawlixx!”

“Oh now, Rojic, you’ve gone too far….”

Back in the cockpit, Kory is trying to suppress her apprehension. The others have been gone too long. –Besides she can’t hold a blaster and type quickly at the same time. She’s trying to get some sensors online, all the while watching the door with one eye. The slightest of noises makes her half turn. A canister is rolling into the room behind her. She grabs the blaster and shoots a wild shot, while diving for cover. The canister explodes. Sudden heat, light, sound and force fill the cockpit. Her ears ring with the noise, her nostrils assailed by the smell of explosives. She fancies that she sees a shadow on the wall along the corridor. With a leap she is after it. A faint nose comes from the navigation room. She rolls into the doorway, covering all angles with her blaster. –But the room appears to be empty. Not wishing to be proved incorrect the hard way, she gently closes the door and goes to nail several dozen planks over it at jaunty angles, her hands a mere blur. There being no planks, she takes a bit of barricade and jams the door shut. Her barricade wouldn’t hold a determined Ronto plush, but it will make some noise.

“They’re loose up this end….” Kory reports over the intercom. “One here as well,” Niall replies, “We think there may be several more….” Rojic is still ranting. “Meeno wanna wangadoo flashkabanga de fookia upski desta looken-peepers…..Poodoo!” There is a slight pause. “I guess Rojic is okay then!” Kory says, grinning.

“Best regroup,” Karnov suggests, “Back to the airlock…..At the double.” Finally the thought comes to her. “Eight kolto cabinets. Two…Three….Or more droids hidden in the cabinets….”

“We didn’t check the other cargo hold.” Niall says. There may be another eight there.”

Kory is making her way cautiously along the corridor. Padding softly along, keeping a sharp eye out. Something catches her eye for a split second. A flash of white. Kory snaps off a hasty shot and dives for cover.

Kory hears a forlorn little “Peep!” Behind her is a lovely lonely lowly astromech droid, now sporting a large blast mark on its dome.

“Sorry little fella!” Kory says. Just then the others join her.

“Okay what now?”

“Go back to Storm Cutter and blast this thing to pieces.” Niall says, grimly. Rojic groans. “What about all that salvage….The ship must be worth fifty kays….The cargo….The Astomech another fifteen or twenty….That’s a lot of money!”

Niall points. “You can take the astromech droid here.”

The droid lets out an alarmed beep, before its power reserve gives out. Rojic isn’t too sure. “It might murder me in my sleep!”

“Hmmm…..Can’t see any problem there.”

“Apart from it needing a proper charge-up.”

“I hope the commando droids haven’t sneaked aboard Storm Cutter while we were away.”

“There are six clones, Oona, Joe-9T and two astromechs to contend with over there.”

They hear a shot.

“What was that?”

“Sentry guns firing.”

“But we’re in space -there shouldn’t be any sound.”

Niall pokes a fist sized hole in the fourth wall. “We’re in the Star Wars universe….Therefore the vacuum of space still transmits sound.”

Rojic ascends through the airlock at speed R17. He pulls a power cable from its socket and jams it to a panel. The others rush to a ventral gun turret to see a commando droid wrestling with a sentry gun. It grabs at the power feed only to electrocute itself. “Bzzzzz……Arrrrrrggggghhhhhhhhh….Oh no!”

“You know we shouldn’t be able to hear that in the vacuum of space….”

“Shhh!”

They seal the airlock and gather together to discuss the situation. “Half a dozen commando droids….How hard can it be?”

“Shame we can’t evacuate the air and kill them all.”

“Don’t give ‘em ideas!” Rojic pulls a lever, severing all connections between he two ships.

“How about running a scan?” Kory asks, “We might be able to locate them easier, and take them out one be one.”

“They’re commando droids. They’re built for stealth. There’s probably a Faraday cage type suppression system. You’ll not detect anything until you’re within an arm’s reach. – Or as they say in clone training school – point blank range.”

They fall silent for a minute. “We could really use Jimmi’s farseeing talents.”

“I’ve reported back to command HQ,” Oona tells them, “-And on to the outpost to tell ‘em we’ve been delayed.”

“What did you tell them?”

“Something about overwhelming odds, Very dangerous situation, alien pathogens, ship-on-lockdown, you know the kind of thing that the brass like to hear.” She tips her head. Her lekku twitch. Niall raises an eyebrow. Oona confesses. “Actually I said we were all a bunch of pathetic losers!”

Zane speaks up. “I’ll take my men in. Clear the ship. We’ll sort out your commando droids!”

Niall says, “I can’t let you throw away your lives for a bit of old salvage.”

“I can!” Rojic pipes up.

“Shh!”

Karnov takes Niall aside. He voice drops to a whisper. “The clones are the logical choice, but….”

Niall knows what she is about to say. He gets in there first. “They’re academics, technicians, experts in cryptography and electronic eavesdropping, -but not soldiers.”

“Agreed.”

“I’m beginning to think there is something more to this than meets the eye.” Niall muses.

“I think I agree. –A lone wolf trader duped into carrying stuff for the Republic, all the while carrying commando droids. They ‘hatch out’ from the cargo. He sends a distress call and barricades himself in to the cockpit to await help. Presumably the droids try to get him out of there, but decide instead to turn down the air con to several degrees below living. The droids wait.”

“Then we turn up.” Niall says.

“All nice and conveniently. -Too late to save mister Mirialan, but soon enough to run into the droids still intent on their homicidal purpose.”

“And the big picture? I’m not seeing it. If there is something else going on, then blowing up the ship isn’t going to get us any more clues.”

Kory interrupts. “If we had backup, maybe we can get to the bottom of this.”

They all fall silent.

Finally, Niall says, “Hang on, lads; I've got a great idea….!”

++++++ A long pause occurs …..About 2 weeks in fact ++++++

“What’s that?”

“We wait for backup. Ta’alan and Jimmi can hot-foot it over here. Then we go in fast and hard!”

“Jimmi and Ta’alan are on their way.” Oona tells them. “Gin and tonic on its way too.” Trio says, trundling off to her duties.

“I wonder if we could get hold of one of the commando droids, take it apart and examine its core programming. – That way we might determine what their mission was.”

“We could do the same to Rojic…..Let me see….In Basic it’d go something like this:”

10 STEAL EVERYTHING NOT BOLTED DOWN

20 UNSCREW EVERYTHING LEFT

30 SCREW EVERYONE OVER

40 KEEP SCREWS FOR SALE AT A SIGNIFICANT ADDITIONAL MARKUP

50 GOTO 10

“What’s the E.T.A. for the others?” Karnov asks.

“About forty minutes.”

“Time for a quick splash in the Bacta tank then!” Rojic gurgles. He starts singing a particularly happy throaty gurgle, much like throat-singing passed through a ring-modulator – backwards. They leave him to it.

“Talking of singing, I hear Jimmi’s been entertaining the troops with old Kate Bush numbers.” Niall tells the others, a while later. “-Though knowing Jimmi it’s part Bush, part butch.”

“Shame,” Kory sighs, “I was looking forward to having a dance.”

“Hmmmm,” Niall sighs, “Every part a moving part….” Ta’alan’s voice comes over the communicator, “What’s that about ‘heavy duty suspension?’”

“Just the amount of rope I’m tying in a noose right now, sweetie….” Kory responds. As she does so, the two Actis-class light interceptor ships appear on the visual scan. They undock from their hyperspace rings, and come about to dock with Storm Cutter one after another. Some time later they are all assembled again. Niall fills the others in with the details. Karnov repeats it in captain-dummy-talk. “Big ship. Very dangerous. Pew! Pew! Rojic: ‘Arrrgghhh!’ –You go first!”

“What about your clones?” Jimmi asks.

“They’re technicians, surveillance experts, cipher-breakers….But not soldiers, nor cannon fodder….”

“Okay, let’s do this!”

Kory gives orders. “Hen3ry, stay here and monitor comms.”

“Pip! Beep!”

“Oona and clones, secure the hatch. Once we’re through, don’t let any droids or Toydarians back in. Joe – You monitor the airlocks. If any droids escape, fry them.”

Joe-9T obliges and starts reciting Rojic’s happy gurgling song in a more minor key.

After some argument over who is going first, or indeed who is on first and who is on point, our heroes open the hatch once again and descend into the other ship. M’anameé is as quiet as a grave, and colder than midday on Hoth. Kory steps along the corridor, the others right behind. Suddenly she stops and raises a hand. The others halt. Kory has spied something jammed behind a panel in the wall. She crouches to get a better look. She shines a flashlight in the crack. Behind it is a flight case, with ominous-looking wiring and the obligatory flashing red light.

“It’s a b….”

“A b….?”

They try and guess what kind of a ‘b’ it might be. “A bridge?”

“No.”

“A Bramley apple pie?”

“No.”

“Um….A Build-a-bear?”

“Ooh! My very own Obi-Wan-Keno-Bear!”

“Not a build-a-bear. A bomb!”

“Yikes!”

Kory slides back the panel with the barrel of her blaster. She crouches down next to the device. After a thorough examination, she decides that it can be disassembled, and hopefully disarmed. Jimmi informs her that “I have a bad feeling in the force.”

“Thanks for that.”

“I…. -I’m not helping much am I?” Jimmi says, apologetically.

In the end, Kory has checked for booby traps and opened the lid of the device. “Aha! –Either it’s a dud or…..Wait a minute!”

As she goes to move the box, she notices two contacts unaccounted for. “Oh very clever!” She says, pointing. “If one moves the box, it sounds an alarm, or sends a signal – exactly pinpointing your whereabouts.”

“Okay,” Ta’alan says, drawing a blaster. “If that’s the way you wanna play….”

Once the phony bomb is ‘defused’ Rojic’s spirits rise. “Okay! I claim this, this and this! Salvage rights are all mine!”

“On behalf of the Republic, surely?” Niall says, pointedly.

“Is Rojic even allowed to salvage? After all, the ship probably belongs to the deceased captain.”

“Which we bundle out of the airlock….” Rojic trills, “Job done, everyone none the wiser….Did I say that out loud?”

The others look at him, wondering whether it was a joke or not. Karnov says sagely, “A Jedi never wants for material things, nor the intimate company of others.”

They shiver in the frigid air. They look at Karnov and don’t make the obvious joke.

To relieve the tension, Jimmi asks what the others are to do. “We’ve got a salvage squad. A security squad, a bomb-disposal squad….But what are the rest of us to do. Mop up?”

“Your mop’ll freeze before you reach the first corridor!”

“Then I’ll see you in….Hell where did everyone go?”

Kory has secured a door, making one corridor the link between forward and aft. “That’ll cut down on their sneaking around.” She tells the others. While she fastens the door, Rojic is telling Ta’alan and Jimmi about how brave he is and how he managed to survive a blast in the chest earlier. “Of course, they took me by surprise. I was elbow deep in the bowels of the console. – A thermal detonator to the chest. – Of course I was winded and blinded for a second or two, but us Toydarians are made of stern stuff!”

Ta’alan is wide eyed. “Thermal detonator you say?”

“Oh yes. Exploded not six inches from me.”

“And you lived to tell the tale.”

“Oh yes.” Rojic swells with pride.

“Only….” Ta’alan says stretching the word, “Only I was on a skyhopper once, one of the toughened ones, one that can weather a Tatooine sandstorm. – Madalorian iron struts and four inch thick windows….And these hijackers stormed the thing. One thing led to another and they touched off a thermal detonator- it blew the front half of the vessel off.”

“Well….” Rojic starts to say, trying to think of a way to back-pedal with any shred of dignity.

“-And do you know what?” Ta’alan asks, “It turns out that the device was a dud –only half charge at best!”

“Ah.…Well….Yes….” Rojic squirms.

Kory has made her way into a medical bay. “Trust Kory to find another bed.” Jimmi says quietly, so she can’t hear. Ta’alan and Niall are making their way along a corridor toward the starboard cargo bay. Ta’alan stops. Niall stops behind him. He gives the youngster a look that says, “?” Ta’alan draws a blaster and a flashlight. His hunter heritage obvious as he stalks his prey. Whatever it is that he’s seen, Niall can’t determine. The slightest sound alerts Ta’alan and he snaps on the light and fires off a stun shot. A small black something drops to the floor. Using the force, he draws it nearer. It is a droid of some type, the size of a grapefruit, black and equipped for simple communication and antigrav enough to hover and jets to move.

“Just like a Jedi training remote…Only black.”

“Only deader. –I think it’s a decoy –or alert drone. –Either way, with the shot and the loss of signal from the droid, I think they know we’re back.”

“Sorry, master.”

“You should’ve used the lightsabre. Quicker, quieter….”

“I’m still having a bit of trouble adjusting. Besides, building my own is quite a challenge.”

“Are you using the parts I gave you?” Niall asks.

“Yes, but I can’t fathom it. Every time I make an adjustment, it stops working.”

“Mastering the construction of a lightsabre is fundamental to a Jedi’s training.”

“I know.”

Niall tells him something. “It’s like being in the brownies. –You’ve got to do the sewing badge first – otherwise you end up with a load of loose badges and a sash.”

“Tell me you weren’t in the brownies, master….”

“Ahem!” Niall coughs, embarrassed.

“Actually,” Ta’alan says, “I was wondering if I could borrow some parts….You know from the lightsabre you took from that lady.”

“What lady?”

“The one you cut in half.”

“No!”

“No?” Ta’alan can’t understand why.

“Because,” Niall says, with feeling, “She was attuned to the dark side.”

Ta’alan objects, “But a lightsabre is a tool, a weapon. It doesn’t have sides! Surely just ripping the red generator crystal from it would be okay.”

“When I say ‘no’ I mean no. ‘No’ means ‘no.’”

Ta’alan starts sulking like a teenager.

“So much to learn.” Niall says to himself, hoping that Mistress Luce’s voice would appear in his head, contradicting him. It doesn’t however. –Besides she’s not dead – not yet at least.

Jedi Mistress Tisha Luce.

Karnov stands alone in the cargo bay. Aware that she was ambushed here before, she is alert and ready. – Completely out of the blue, a flash erupts out of nowhere. Dizzy and disorientated, she draws her lightsabre. There is a creaking noise form the ships ductwork. As soon as Karnov’s eyes have recovered, she opens a panel and stares both ways. – However the ducting is empty.

Rojic is getting the jitters. He’s cold-started the engines and a low hum throbs through the hull. The lighting circuit is still offline and appears to have been sabotaged. –It isn’t a quick fix. The heaters kick in and slowly the chill of the ship starts to recede. –Though it will be some hours before it reaches optimal. There being nothing urgent left to do, Rojic decides that there is more safety in numbers.

Jimmi is pacing the corridors, trying to sense the droids in the force. Karnov and Rojic appear and the three of them start a patrol pattern. They pass an empty bit of corridor, Jimmi stiffens. Rojic babbles on. -And on.

“Of course here in the back you have the advantage of being able to see the grisly fate of your companions when they get chewed up by rampaging commando droids. -Of course, if I were them, I’d electrify the floor and fry you all –Though I’d be perfectly safe of course. –If it were me, though, I vent the atmosphere to space and let you asph….”

There is the faintest of soft thuds, followed by a louder thud as Rojic’s limp form hits the deck. It takes a split second to realise what has happened to the Toydarian. Karnov and Jimmi spin around as one. The corridor is empty apart from Rojic’s prostrate form on the ground, looking for all the world like a two-foot swatted bluebottle. Jimmi senses it first. A blaster is raised and two rapid shots slam into the ceiling. Karnov’s lightsabre swings upward, illuminating a droid pressed flat against the roof. The droid is badly damaged, and loses grip on the walls. As it falls, Karnov fends off several hundred pounds of falling droid with a her lightsabre. Jimmi manages to jump clear. The droid parts either side of Karnov’s weapon, one hits Karnov a glancing blow, making her curse. The other part falls to a soft landing on top of Rojic. A faint, “Glurk!” Sound comes from the Toydarian. In disgust, Karnov sweeps her hand down the corridor. The two droid parts are flung away and into a wall. Their hearts beating fast, Jimmi and Karnov share a glance. For the second time today, someone scrapes Rojic off the floor.

Kory, Niall and Ta’alan have made their way to the second cargo bay. They open the door and check that it is clear. Having heard the sounds of shots and a lightsabre a second ago, they are taking no chances. Kory volunteers to go first. With soft footsteps, she shuffles forward. Her flashlight picks out several crates and barrels and cargo containers. – But no droids. She half turns to wave the others forward, when something presses Ta’alan’s leg.

“Er…guys….Something’s touching my leg!”

The others look at one another. They both have that ‘it isn’t me!’ look.

Glancing down, Kory spies a cord strung across the room at knee-height. Ta’alan’s step has already made a kink in the cord, though not broken it. Kory gently moves the foot back, releasing the tension. “Booby trap!” She whispers, kneeling down at Ta’alan’s feet. Niall picks out the cord with the flashlight. Ta’alan stands stock still. The view down Kory’s cleavage is filling his brain, making thinking difficult.

“I’ll have a go at disarming it….” Kory advises them. Ta’alan urges her to hurry, lest his hormones and the bulge in his trousers give him away.

“Be careful!” Niall whispers back. He get ready to use the force to pull Kory back toward him if there is any sign of an explosion. Behind his head, two red droid eyes behind a crate glow for a few milliseconds. Kory follows the cord. It is anchored to a crate at one end. “Short splice half-hitch with semi-bowline stop.” She says. “Clever droids, learning their knots!”

“I’d just use a Bogwing bowline knot myself.”

“What about the other end?” Niall asks.

Kory steps back. “Grenade.”

“Grenade knot?”

“No not a knot. A grenade!”

“Eeek!”

“Its alright, I’ve untied it. This was a short-shank –deep hitch with a twist – sloppy!”

Kory tucks the grenade in her belt. “Come on!”

“Talking of knots....” Niall whispers to Ta’alan, indicating that he has noticed the youngster’s ‘excitemtment’ I’d suggest a granny knot."

The young Togruta concentrates. “Granny. Knot. Granny....Okay, that’s done it!”

“Come on!” Kory urges, unaware of Ta’alan’s ‘urges,’ “we need to search for clues.”

Relived, Ta’alan makes a joke. “You know, I sometimes get the feeling that we should be sneaking around looking for clues with a ravenous Great Dane in tow.”

“Those commando droids would’ve gotten away with it too if it wasn’t for us kids and our Toydarian!”

They pass on through the cargo bay, searching for more traps. A moment later they pass a stack of barrels. Before Kory can shout a warning, the topmost one is shoved violently toward Niall and Ta’alan. Niall jumps out of the way, dragging his padawan with him. Niall is hit with a glancing blow. They draw weapons and start a search, Niall going forward and Ta’alan heading left. A shadow passes behind him. On silent feet, a commando droid takes a step closer to the Togruta. As Ta’alan goes to examine something on the ground, the blast of a shot passes within millimetres of the montrals on his head. Niall rushes to his padawan’s aid, but his onward momentum spoils his aim, especially when Ta’alan shifts sideways. The lightsabre slashes in three strokes, but the droid manages to shimmy past every blow. The droid plants a shot on Ta’alan, making him wince with pain. By this time, the youngster has drawn two blasters of his own and in a show of defiance walks forward, repeatedly firing both of them at arms length. Shot after shot slam into the droid, who reels under the impact. Many flash and spark on its armour, but under such an onslaught, several shots penetrate. It slumps back into a stack of barrels, smoking and glowing with the red heat of multiple plasma burns.

When Ta’alan has quite finished he holsters a blaster. With the other he puts a shot between the droid’s eyes. “That’s for Rojic!”

Niall turns, “Eh?”

“For not killing him!”

The three resume their search, fearful that another droid might ambush them. –But the hold is free of the enemy.

Jimmi reports in. “Rojic’s down.”

Karnov adds, “Again!”

Jimmi pauses and then resumes. “Karnov is tending to him. She’s feeling much better already!”

Niall concludes his search. “On our way. –We downed another.”

“What’s the score now?”

“Um…. Xxxxxx”

“Okay. Best regroup. Seal off the hold –that’ll account for the aft of the ship.”

“Which end is aft?” Karnov asks.

“The bit at the back.”

“Aha!” Karnov says, then adds, “Aft….Elbow!”

“Yup! You clever little fishie!” Ta’alan taunts her, approaching.

“I am not a fish!” Karnov reminds him.

“That’s what she put on her exam paper in the academy….Before falling screaming on the floor making ‘glub, glub, glub’ noises!” Niall says.

Kory places a datapad on the dome of the powered-down astromech droid. “We’ve sealed here, here and here. Oona and the clones are guarding the access to Storm Cutter. – There’ve been no sounds from the vacuum of space to indicate that any more droids have left the ship.”

Rojic groans and sits up. “He’s coming around. Give him some air.”

Niall thinks, “Hmm….Talking of which, why haven’t the droids opened the airlock and sucked all the air out? After all, they don’t need it. –they obviously let the poor captain freeze to death.”

“I was wondering that. Maybe there’s another organic still aboard that they want to keep alive.”

“Best get back to sweeping the rooms, though Storm Cutter’s scan suggested no life aboard. – Confirmed by a localised sweep as we scouted around. There’s only us, unless we’re missing something.”

“I think we’re not seeing the whole picture.” Niall says.

Karnov says, “We have a saying back on Quarren: ‘It’s a trap!’”

“Thanks K, -that’s a real help.”

“I thought your homeworld was called Mon Calamari.” Rojic says, getting to his feet and flapping his wings experimentally.

“Do you want another half hour unconscious?” Karnov snaps at him. Rojic backs down.

“Come on let’s get going!” Kory insists. They go forward and to the port side. They have a corridor and a door at the end. “No reward is worth this.” Niall grumbles as they proceed. He starts hopping from one foot to another to keep warm.

Rojic is back in business, and business mode too. “Let’s see, one fifth share of eighty-kays is sixteen, but a quarter is twenty – so go right ahead and bail now.”

Kory teases him, “Yeah, go back and make love to Oona while we count all that lovely money.”

Karnov is confused. “Are we her pimps now?” Niall shoots her a look that says a big “NO!”

They reach the door. Jimmi has another bad feeling about it. They pause.

“Besides,” Niall counters, “I only killed one droid. If I go back to my nice warm bed with my nice warm girlfriend, that’d leave my share of droids un-killed. If they took all you out I’d stand to get one hundred percent of the loot.”

“And you get the girl. – I like what you’re thinking!” Kory teases. “I’m freezing cold as well. -I could join you and Oona.”

Ta’alan says, “I’m bailing too. -I’ll be in my bunk!”

Jimmi says, “I can see where this is leading….”

Karnov is a little slow to see it, “Hasn’t Niall’s cabin just got a single bed?” She asks.

“Yes.” Niall admits, “We just have to sleep right close together.”

Rojic makes the obscene gesture.

Ta’alan grins wolfishly. “I need a steady girlfriend.” He says wistfully.

“Oh Oona isn’t steady. –In fact she jiggles all over the place when we’re together.”

Rojic makes the obscene gesture again. He points to a suspicious of a panel next to the door. “Something’s wrong here.” He reports.

“Then un-wrong it.” Karnov says, then wishes she hadn’t.

“‘Fix’ is the word you’re looking for. –When you say ‘wrong,’ how do you mean?”

“Maybe they pierced a hole in the hull behind the door. Open it, and you’re sucking hard vacuum.

“The door’ll be cold in that case.” Rojic points out. He goes to touch it, when Jimmi stops him. “I wouldn’t….”

In the force, Jimmi can see a silhouette of Rojic, with all his bones showing. – Jimmi points this out. Rojic takes care and starts poking around in the panel.

“What’s up, losing your touch?” Niall asks.

“Touching it might be the last thing I do.” Rojic says over his shoulder, “-Things rigged up to a big accumulator- one touch and it’d discharge a few kay-vees through your clammy palm into the deckplates. -Through your heart if you’re lucky.”

“And if you’re unlucky?” Niall asks.

“If you’re standing too close to the wall – it might find a shorter distance. – Then you’d not be having children any time soon.”

Ta’alan and Niall take a step back. “I don’t know if humans and Twi’leks can have children….” Jimmi says.

Niall whoops. “Yay! All the fun and none of the responsibility!”

Rojic fiddles around with his arm in the panel. After a moment there is a snipping noise and he indicates that the door is safe. Kory swishes it back by the handle. Inside is a room full of furniture and junk.

“Maybe he had to move out and had nowhere else to store his stuff.”

“Any droids in there?”

“No,” Kory says, “But there’s a nice dresser that’d go well with our sofa.

“It’d never fit through the airlock.” Niall points out.

“Making it only a size bigger than Mama!”

“We could build a space-time machine, park it at right-angles to the airlock and manoeuvre the dresser around the bend, using the machine to give us the extra angle.” Jimmi suggests.

“That’s the stuff of science fiction!” Karnov snaps.

The others all point to their surroundings and make pointed ‘ahem’ noises.

They close the door. Kory rounds on Jimmi. “What did you have to tell Rojic about the booby trap for?” Jimmi shrugs regretfully.

“One room left.” Karnov says, proudly showing her mathematical prowess.

“And three droids if my calculations are correct.”

“I don’t know. -To tell you the truth I forgot myself in all this excitement.”

They make their way to starboard. The room at the end is the mirror of the junk room. – However there are no traps on the door. Ever cautious, they get ready with weapons, Kory with the grenade, and wait for Ta’alan to sweep the door aside. He counts down from three silently. It sounds like this: “                  !”

“Swish!” The door opens rapidly.

An empty room stares back at them. Niall’s eyes narrow. Suddenly with the force he flings a crate to one side. A droid is revealed! Kory tosses the grenade, Ta’alan whips out two blasters and starts laying down some serious DPS. Two more droids reveal themselves and open fire. The grenade explodes with a sharp crack. This gives our heroes time to move into the room. The droids hit Kory, who winces. Niall leaps into the room, getting up close and personal with the droids. Blaster bolts pass along the room, the attackers scoring hits on droids, but their armour is dissipating most of the shots. Niall swings a lightsabre, but gets clunked in the nose by a rifle butt. Niall has managed to turn one of the droids, but their shots and our heroes shots are not finding their marks. Kory runs for the turned droid. A vibroknife is in her hand. She scrapes it along the droid’s back, but manages only sparks from its armour. A driod shoots at Niall, who manages to deflect the shot, and remove the robot’s head on the backsweep with the lightsabre. There is a blinding flash. For the last time, Rojic is blinded. He flaps between streaks of blaster fire and bumps into the wall before getting his bearings. A shot hits Jimmi, who is unaffected by taking a flash grenade full on. Jimmi lifts the droid, flips it and drops it on its head in front of Karnov, who lashes at it but misses. The droid rolls and manages to get a shot on Jimmi, who staggers back. Yet another shot catches Jimmi, who is starting to doubt the wisdom of taking on three commando droids in a confined space!

Jimmi manages to get several shots off, doing minimal damage. The droids press home their attack. Kory fades left, only to come up with blaster firing. Ta’alan finally makes his shots tell and starts penetrating the armour. Jimmi moves a blind Rojic aside and lays down some covering fire. Karnov deflects a blaster bolt. As the droid turns to look, Karnov lunges with her lightsabre, plunging it through the droid’s body. The third droid puts up a valiant fight, but four blasters and two lightsabres are brought to bear. Niall’s nose is bleeding profusely, the blood is getting in his eyes. He thinks how impossible this is, even though it sounds great on paper. Several shots later, the droid is blasted back. Two lightsabres finish the job. The droid lies in several holey and hot-edged pieces.

Our heroes check the captain’s cabin and the cockpit, but find no more droids. They do a thorough sweep looking for life, but find nothing. In the end, the cold is getting the better of them, and they retreat back to the comfort of a warm Twi’lek and a cup of Trio’s lovely hot Naengguk soup.

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Footnotes: None today.