"Bridgehead Revisited."

Written and Directed by:
Paul Burton.
Fiction by: Paul Burton and (mostly) Anthony Hummerston.
STARRING:

Karnov,   Jimmi,   Niall,   Rojic,    Ta'alan,  Mama
And special guest stars:
Hen3ry , Joe-9T, Trio and 'Blinkie.'
as the droids.
AND
Storm Cutter, a piece of tinfoil, postcards and gaffa tape that passes as their ship.

Niall is looking rather distant. Karnov is trying to prompt him. “Niall….”

“Uh?”

“Are you with us?”

“Ummmm….”

Karnov waits for some more response, but none is forthcoming.

“I’m wondering if it is medication or meditation that’s making him like this.”

“It could be the herbal tea.”

Karnov thinks. Her response is just what the others would expect from such a long time thinking.

“I guess that makes him Jedi emeritus then.”

Ta’alan is excited. “Ooooh! A promotion! Now I am the master!”

The others leave Ta’alan to it, while they discuss their mission. A while later, and the young Togruta is still pestering a rather non-responsive Niall. “Master Niall, is it true that clones don’t get paid? Is it true that Jedi kidnap children? Is it true that there are Jedi babies? What about force sensitive children?” The questions go on and on.

Niall is still a little spaced out. “I was a child once,” he says finally, “I grew up.”

Ta’alan is so surprised at a response that he only says, “Oh!”

“When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: But when I became a man, I put away childish things.” Niall says, reciting some ancient wisdom.

Jimmi is close to tears, “Yeah, I still miss my teddy bear too. I think his name was Edward, or was that my pet Wookie?”

Karnov tries to be helpful. “I ate as a child….Mmmm…..Fishsticks!”

Rojic breezes in. “Anyway, what is ‘spake’? Does he mean spank?”

Mama looks Niall over. “I think he might have taken a blow to the head. Maybe he should have a little lie down. -I know I do. It was a pretty intense battle….”

“It barely lasted ten minutes!” Jimmi objects.

“Still, I must get my rest….My beauty sleep is very important.”

“But the enemy might counter-attack any moment!”

“So wake me if they do!”

Rojic reports, “Women and children are secure,” he says, “though I’m sure master Junn said that they should be led away from the front line….After all, that minefield isn’t going to clear itself!” Karnov taps at a holo. She expands the image so that it covers the entire kitchen table. Ta’alan asks, “Why does it say temple?” Jimmi tells him that it is just a local word meaning ‘barn.’ Niall is relived that Ta’alan has stopped asking stupid questions. Instead, the youngster is trying to describe the features of the terrain to Jimmi, to whom the map is merely an annoying buzzing interference in the force. –A bit like Rojic!

Jimmi waves Ta’alan aside. “It’s okay. I’ll feel my way around the battlefield….Now let me ‘see’….” Jimmi’s hands wander up and down over the holomap. “From what I feel we’re on a large mesa. There is a valley at one end, followed by a small but dense forest. Beyond that is a large rise, and two smaller hills. –Probably good for soft cover. There is another valley between them. We could probably hide a platoon of clones and all their equipment there….Maybe a couple of tanks….” Something grabs Jimmi’s hand. Mama’s voice says, “Jimmi, if you don’t take your hand off my breast right now, I’m going to get up off this table and shoot you!”

Jimmi goes on the defensive. “Must you lie on the kitchen table….While I’m mapreading?”

A little while later, Niall is concentrating on the terrain outside. “I reckon they’ll come from the west….” A clone interrupts. “Tanks!”

“You’re welcome….Er….What did I do exactly?”

“Not ‘thanks’, tanks!”

Jimmi berates them. “Will you two stop it!”

The clone scout reiterates the warning. “Tanks and enemy clankers….Coming from the west.”

“Not the west.” Naill tells him.

The clone is confused. “We approached from the west. The clankers are coming from that direction. It must be the west.”

“The reason that the cankers are not coming from the west, is that the clankers are coming from the west….Sir!”

“My apologies….Sir!”

There is an organised scramble to take up positions. “Man the guns!” Karnov orders, “Get to cover….Scout?”

“Scout ma’am!”

“What can we see?”

The scout passes Karnov the field glasses. As Karnov puts them to her eyes, a Tusken Raider rears up threateningly. “Grr! Ug! Urgh! Urr! Uggh!”

Karnov shivers. “That happens every time!”

She squints again. Sure enough there are four columns of battle droids. The central one is made of both battle droids and super battle droids. Between the columns are hover tanks. The heads of the droids are just visible above the endless ears of wheat.

Jimmi and Ta’alan take to the trees to the north. The clones deploy into the buildings and barns around the farm. They keep the civilians well behind them, in case of danger. Niall has made holes in the walls with a lightsabre for them to shoot through. Karnov, Starman and Ull stay on the opposite side of the river, from where they can issue orders and generally stay behind the civilians. Rojic flies to the forward gun emplacement with three clones, while Mama and another three man the second gun. “As soon as they are at extreme range, let ‘em have it!” Starman orders. Rojic’s clones load the gun with armour piercing shells and as the column fills the sights it roars its defiance. The central enemy tank rocks with the impact of the shot, but then trundles on undeterred. Mama’s crew have direct line-of-sight on the middle tank also. “She’s filling the sights….Green over green…..”

“Five by five, Mama, ma’am.” The clones respond. Mama keeps up her nervous chatter. “Like shooting fish in a barrel…..Or Wookiees out of bonsai trees!” Her gun coughs once, and a shell flies from the barrel…..Only to land six feet away. –The gauss coils that power the rails have failed. “Power’s out!” A clone tells them, but they already know.

“Reload!” Mama orders, while the clones do just that. Mama can see the funny side. “You know, I’ve had boyfriends like that in the past!” She jokes. One of the clones quips, “What? Made by Backtoid industries, assembled by robots and runs on batteries?” Mama shoots him a dirty look, before he adds ‘ma’am.’ To end the statement. She grins at him. “Yeah, something like that, or as we say at home: – All coq and no van!”

Just as the clones start firing into the advancing droid ranks, a shot is heard from the north flank. Two dozen camouflaged humanoid fighters emerge from the wheat fields and pour forwards. The rightmost clones fire at will, but are hampered by the line of trees. At the front of the enemy line are a Nikto and an Em’liy. The Nikto breaks into a run, while igniting a lightsabre. The clones fire again, but without breaking stride the Nikto swats at a blaster bolt and sends it right back through the hole that it was fired from. The clone behind takes the shot in the chest, and falls back mortally wounded. “That was a shot in a million!” The other clones marvel at the audacity. “Well let’s put a million shots his way!” They shoot at the Nikto, who has made the line of trees, and uses them as cover. Karnov has seen this, and decides that the Nikto is too big a threat to ignore. She plans her next move and then runs forward. A few steps into the hundred yard distance, she calls upon the force. He feet become a blur, and she covers the gap in a few seconds. Her lightsabre ignites, and she holds it at head height like a cavalryman on a charge. The Nikto steps forward in a guard stance, but as Karnov swiftly closes the gap, he misjudges her onrushing speed. A second later Karnov has plunged her weapon through the attacker’s shoulder. With an effortless sweep, she slices deep into the leathery skin, flesh and bone. As she turns on a sixpence to attack again, the Nikto is already sliding toward the floor. The whole thing has taken but six seconds! The clones give up a ragged cheer. Karnov doesn’t have it all her way though, because the Em’liy commander starts advancing with a lightsabre of his own.

Karnov is still panting from her burst of speed and can only parry the first blow. A desperate lightsabre battle begins. Behind Karnov, the LT-TE roars, and a shell spits from the muzzle of its gun. However, the hover tank that it was aiming for has gone hull-down in the pond, and the shell fizzes overhead. The hover tanks respond, seeking out the gun crews. Rojic’s emplacement gets a pounding, and Rojic himself is wounded. The crew has lost a man, and is finding it difficult to respond. Another volley rocks the gun on its foundations. As Rojic turns to give more orders, he sees three clones lying dead. – The entire crew wiped out! Rojic beats a hasty retreat to the safety of a rooftop. A snap shot behind him kills a mercenary in pursuit. The clones in the building are shooting methodically. Every few shots more battle droids are cut down. – But there are dozens to replace them.

The LT-TE tank takes a direct hit. It stops firing for a second, and the defenders fear the worst. – However, a quick triage later and the crews are back on station. The anti-infantry blasters start heir deadly chatter and a few more droids are destroyed. By this time, Mama and her gang have sorted the shorted electrics and her gun has a bead on the central tank. A roar later and the tank becomes so much shrapnel. They give each other high-fives as they scrabble to reload. Ta’alan is waiting in the trees and out of sight of the mercenaries. In the end the excitement gets the better of him, and he runs forward, stooping only to pick up the lightsabre that the unfortunate Nikto dropped. The troopers pay him little heed until he ignites this lightsabre and the one that Niall took from the Twi’lek woman on Kamino. –The very one that Niall told him not to touch or play with…. Ta’alan suddenly has lots of attention. He swings wildly, lopping the heads off the wheat stalks and carving gashes in the ground. It is a miracle that he doesn’t amputate his own leg. The mercenaries are not unduly worried. –That is until a lucky stroke slices an arm off!

Niall’s gun crew are not to be outdone by Mama’s crew. They too bear down on a hover tank and one-shot it. Clones are backing up Jimmi and Ta’alan and Karnov by keeping the mercenaries at bay. Four fall under their blaster bolts. Two more are hit in the head, and die instantly. A droid to their right is hit. “Bzzzz! They’ve got me!” It drones. The LT-TE and the one remaining hover tank are slugging it out, while the LT-TE guns make a mess of the heavy battle droids. The clones in the barn suffer another casualty as a flurry of blaster bolts come through the windows. They all duck for cover, but one is killed. Jimmi is taking careful aim at the mercenaries, and manages to wound two slightly. Ta’alan is still jumping like a dervish, the lightsabres in his hands whirling and spinning and occasionally connecting. Jimmi is having a great day, by not managing to hit anything further. “The sun must be in my eyes!” Jimmi tells no-one in particular.

Mama is squinting down the sights of the gun. Beyond the columns of droids she can just make out the shape of a command skiff. It veers rightwards and out of her line-of sight behind one of the barns. “I can wait all day….” She says to the clones in her bunker. “And then?” One of them asks, but gets his answer as the skiff lurches left again. The gun roars and the shell passes between the lines of droids. The vehicle is hit, and ploughs into the ground. Several of the crew spill out and into the wheat. Mama yells at the crew who are furiously reloading. A second later another shot booms across the battlefield. This time the skiff explodes like a ford pinto. A plume of smoke billows impressively into the sky. “Woohoo!” Mama whoops, and reaches for the nearest clone. She plants a big smacker on his lips. The others high five and look at the floor, trying not to make eye contact lest they be kissed as well!

The forward clones are still whittling don the numbers. One battle droid taunts them. “Missed me, you ugly whitehat! A shot impacts on its chest. “Ha! Didn’t hit anything vital!” It says and tries to look down at its feet, which are about fifteen yards away. “Oh.....Bzzzzzt....Bugger!”

The LT-TE and the last remaining tank are still slugging it out. Finally the defenders get a telling shot, and remove the last of the attackers armour. The LT-TE trundles forwards on its six legs as Starman and Ull come up behind it. More clones are crouching, using it for cover. The anti-infantry blasters manage to thin out more human troopers. The LT-Te and a lone gunman are now slugging it out over the abandoned gun turret. Several clones shoot on the position, but the gunman only has eyes and forehead visible. Shot after shot comes his way, but he survives every onslaught.

Karnov and the Em’liy attacker are wearing each other down. Blows rain in only to be parried, knocked aside or deadlocked. The lightsabres fizzle at one another. Karnov cannot se an opening. Her stamina is on the wane, but thankfully so is her attackers. Jimmi takes a wild shot at the gun emplacement, stopping anyone reinforcing the lone gunman. More crew scramble for the pit, but are cut down. A trooper lunges at Karnov, slicing a cut in her side. She manages a half-parry and turns the blow, slicing into the attacker’s arm. Jimmi senses this and tries to lift the assailant, but to no avail. The remaining droids pepper the AT-TE with blaster fire, but its strong armour merely blackens with carbon scoring.

The LT-Te is still firing on the forward gun emplacement, where the lone gunman is defiantly holding out. Ta’alan whirls around, and manages to land a flurry of attacks. His enemy are starting to waver. Jimmi attempts to force-lift the Em’liy, but this too fails. However the distraction is enough for Karnov, who swats her enemy’s lightsabre aside, and plunges her own into the Em’liy’s chest. Their leader down, the other human troopers loose heart – Though not as much as the Em’liy! They turn and run. The clones start putting shots over their heads to ensure they don’t reconsider. There are still two dozen droids approaching, but by now, the LT-TE can move forward and its guns soon make short work of them. Mama depresses the barrel of her gun to the minimum, and shoots the other emplacement, putting the gun beyond use. The lone gunman is still shooting, until Mama jumps up into the fray, and puts a hole straight through his head. As the droids are destroyed, Niall emerges from his command position and starts regrouping. The final count is eight clones dead, and several wounded. Jimmi steps forward to heal Karnov, who is exhausted by her protracted fight. “Lucky I didn’t have to contend with both.” She says, looking at he bodies of the Nikto and the Em’liy.

Jimmi, Mama and Ta’alan tend to the wounded clones. They secure some medical supplies and perform triage. None of their injuries are life threatening. The quiet satisfaction turns to jubilation, even though it might be a short respite. Niall takes stock. “We lost some clones, but we have two gun emplacements, an AT-TE and a dozen fit clones. Another half-dozen walking wounded.”

“We might not stand another assault with those numbers.” Karnov confides in him, “We’ll need reinforcements.”

“We’ll have to make do with what we’ve got. –But in the meantime, we’ll see what we can salvage from the droids, maybe get one of their tanks or their command vehicle working.”

“I don’t know about their command vehicle, I think Mama put twelve years worth of pent-up anger into that last shot!”

No enemy are sighted for an hour. By this time, spirits have revived and bodies are less fatigued. Niall and his officers are discussing tactics. Mama’s holo sounds and a familiar figure appears. “Broadcasting on an emergency channel…..Anybody there?” Colonel D’Estrella asks.

“Yes! Here! –Er….Sir.”

“You should be at the command bunker! General Junn has reconfigured the defences. He recalled your unit well over an hour ago!

“An hour?”

“Actually only a few minutes after your dropships left.”

“We didn’t receive those orders, sir.”

There is a pause. Finally, the colonel gives them new instructions. “You can stand down from defending the bridge. We’ll send evac co-ordinates. Make your way there for pickup. – Leave the armour behind. Bring the civilians. I’ll send Kima Venn out to cover your withdrawal as soon as she reports in.”

“Understood sir. Over and, er….How are you?”

The colonel doesn’t answer the question. “D’Estrealla out!”

Niall turns to his team. “Okay, you heard the colonel. Let’s get our kit together and move out.” They are pinged the co-ordinates, some five kilometres south-east. “A shame we couldn’t take the AT-TE with us.” Mama sighs. “I don’t suppose we could change the gears over? –Put the little cog on the big cog drive-shaft and vice-versa?”

“It’s mainly hydraulic. –The price we pay for new technology….” Rojic sighs.

In the end they put a satchel charge in the cockpit, and slice through some of the leg-struts with a lightsabre to disable the machine. They start making their way through the wheat to the pick-up point. Ta’alan and Jimmi are on point, scouting ahead, avoiding any enemy patrols or armour. They skirt around a squad of heavy battle droids and avoid a hover-tank division manoeuvring. Finally, after a tense wait in the wheat field, they hear the familiar sound of a Firespray overhead, and Kima Venn’s ship hovers above them.

A transport puts down and the weary troops troop aboard, -wearily. A few minutes later and they arrive at the command post. Master Junn and Colonel D’Estrella are there already and having a heated discussion.. The clones peel off to rejoin their units, the injured are taken to a field hospital. Master Junn has a face like thunder.

Junn tells D’Estrella, “You were co-ordinating the ground assault. The commanders were taking strategic positions before the push to Mal Agua ”

“-And I did my part.” The colonel says, pointedly.

“But the casualty rate was getting too high.” Junn yells, "We already had this discussion!"

“But we were so near our objectives, sir. –As I informed you. My commander assured me that one final push would secure the area.”

Junn is getting more and more agitated. “The mission was aborted. I issued the withdrawal orders personally . -The strategy was too risky.”

The colonel points out, “-Orders that Killian and Karnov never received.”

“I’ll be investigating that in due course.” Junn seethes. “In the meantime, I forbade you to waste clone lives on an extraction. –You disobeyed my order. therefore I have no choice but to put you and commander Venn under arrest! ”

“Arrest?” The colonel is outraged at the suggestion.

“Arrest. – For gross insubordination. – Not to mention incompetence! Think yourself lucky that there were no casualties during your foolhardy rescue!”

“You can’t do this!” The colonel roars at him, but Junn is adamant. “I can and I must.” He motions to several clones who come to take the colonel away. “Fetch the commander too.” He tells them. A moment later, a protesting commander Venn is led away.

It is now Karnov’s turn to be outraged. She says so. Junn is dismissive. “It isn’t your job to question strategy. Your own competence is under the spotlight too.”

Karnov is about to say something, but Niall steers her away.

“Save your rhetoric, there’ll be another time….” Niall hisses in her ear. “Don’t stir this up and get arrested as well!”

The two officers are placed under house arrest. There are no facilities for locking them up and throwing away the key. Their token guards look shocked and apologetic. Our heroes regroup. Mama fetches Storm Cutter. As a civilian, there is not much that the Republic military can do about it, though several deck officers are rather sniffy about it, and wave a lot of paperwork under her nose. She gives them some old space-trader excuses, and strides for the ship. When the sentry guns pop up, the deck officers back off. Also, it would appear that the regulations only go up to one hundred and fifty, so ‘order two-two-one’ appears to be bogus.

Arguments are obviously contagious, because as Mama arrives back, Ta’alan and Niall are also arguing. Ta’alan is indignant. “I heard your order about Sayara's lightsabre and that I wasn’t to use it. But I needed it at the time and was hopefully showing some initiative….Master.”

Niall tells him straight. “The ownership and use of lightsabres comes down to the master. –That’s me.”

Ta’alan turns to Karnov for some reassurance. “Karnov?”

Karnov considers the situation. “I say let the council decide.”

“Well you can’t. What with the arrest of the colonel and commander, Junn has put a block on all communication, lest it prejudice the impending courts martial.”

“We know a way around that though don’t we?” Mama says. “Oh Rojic?”

“What?”

“We want a little circumvention.”

Rojic flies backward at a high rate of knots. “Well stay away from me. I want my anatomy left completely intact thank you very much!”

“Not circumcision, circumvention. –Junn is using Kima Venn’s ship to jam signals and stop external communication. We want to bypass that and get a message to the council.”

Rojic is relived. “Oh, sorry, It’s just that you had that vibroknife in your hand at the time….-And I’m curious to know how you came by it.”

“It was sticking into Karnov. I have been learning some basic field surgery, and my first patient was a rather uncooperative Quarren. –I learned a lot about anaesthetic too.”

“What did you do?”

“Clunked her over the back of the head with a bit of two-by-four!”

“Didn’t she protest.?”

“She may have done. But a funny thing about Bacta is that it doesn’t transmit sound very well.”

Rojic considers. “So if I broadcast a message through the jamming, we upset the Jedi and Junn, and get Karnov into trouble. –I call that a win-win!”

“Okay, Rojic, save the gloating for later.” Joe-9T warns him, arriving in the nick of time, “Then you can revel in your deviousness all the more!”

Rojic beckons to Karnov. “Okay. I’ll punch through the jamming, but you might only get a few brief words through before they shut us down. I’ll need to align the dish on top of the ship.” He flaps off, glad of something to do.

When Karnov is out of the Bacta and in a nice snugly towel, she and Niall have a quiet word.

Ull sits nearby listening intently, but keeping quiet for now. Ta’alan starts practicing with a remote. Somehow keepy-uppy isn’t what he had in mind!

Ta'alan and remote.

“I don’t know about you, Karnov but I’m suspecting that there may be more to this Junn situation.” Niall says. “I know what you mean.” Karnov replies after some thought, “My master has been acting strangely for a long time now and I’m prepared to forgive some of it. But this situation is borderline evil.”

“True. It may have been against his orders, but the colonel extracting two dozen troops from the battlefield under the cover of a Firespray is hardly a hanging offence.”

“You don’t think he may have fallen under the influence of the dark side do you?” Ull asks. Karnov shakes her head, “I’m sure I would have felt it if that where the case.” She says, though isn’t convinced. “-After all, the bond between us was never as strong as other Jedi and their padawans.”

“Do you sense anything?” Niall asks. “No. But I’ll give it some thought. Meditate on it a while maybe.”

A while later, Karnov emerges from her room. She looks concerned.

“Did you reach out and find Junn in the force.”

Karnov looks sheepish. “I tried. Either I lack the brainpower, or he’s blocking me, or….”

“Or I’ve turned to evil! -And I’m coming to murder you all horribly!” Junn’s voice says from behind Karnov. The sound of a lightsabre igniting makes everyone jump.

There is a moment’s pause. No-one says a word. Then Karnov turns around to confront her master. – But Junn isn’t there, only Joe-9T, who starts guffawing in a rather sinister way.

After the shock has died down, the others welcome their droid home. “Joe!”

Their favourite homicidal assassin droid steps up the ramp. He looks different.

“You look different Joe.”

“It’s the blood.”

“But droids don’t bleed.”

“No it’s the blood of several dozen mercenaries that spattered all over me. Most gratifying. I think I might leave it on.” He starts gurgling again. “Hur….Hur….Hur!”

“-But that’s disgusting, gross, sick….Not to mention a health hazard.”

“That’s precisely why I’m leaving it on!”

Actually, there is something different, Joe-9T has been painted regulation ‘Disruptive Pattern Material.’ He sits down on the gingham-covered sofa, and they can’t see him anywhere.

No really, they can’t see him anywhere!

Niall says, “You know, however much your droid goes out, killing, maiming, torturing, looting and pillaging, you’re always pleased to see him when he gets back.”

“Yeah….Kinda like a dog really….Only the other way around….Actually, that’s not right….Er….”

“What’s a dog?” Karnov asks. The others are about to tell her how stupid this question is, but actually realise how profound it is.

Mama turns to Ull. She says, “We didn’t get properly introduced. You must be Ull, the new padawan.”

“-And you must be the captain.”

“Captain! I like that! Promotion already.”

“No, captain of the skip….I mean ship….Storm Cutter….Though actually skip might be right.”

Mama turns to the others. “You can go off people can’t you?”

Jimmi isn’t sure. “He’s young. You remember being young, don’t you….Or is it too far back in ancient history?” Ull giggles at this. Mama fixes him with a steely gaze. “Laugh it up….At least I don’t have a face that looks like a leather football left out in the rain after a Nexu’s been at it!” Ull takes offence and goes off in a huff.

Karnov is silent.

“Karnov?” Jimmi prompts.

“What?”

“What’s up, Karnov?”

“Oh….I….Er….Was thinking about Master Junn.” Karnov says.

“I’d pay it no heed. –Obviously it was a misunderstanding in the heat of battle, a missed communication in the fog of war….Forget it.”

Karnov looks puzzled, “Forget what?”

Mama joins in, “Master Junn.” She is about to add ‘-Stupid!’ but doesn’t.

“Who’s he then?” Karnov asks, leaving the others to wonder whether she’s being serious.

Later on, they are having supper. “I don’t suppose the courts martial will be any more then a formality.” Niall tries to reassure Mama, “The colonel’s record is possibly a bit colourful, but it’s otherwise sound. He’s a great asset to the Republic.”

“I suppose so…..” She says, but her voice trails off. After a long pause, Niall senses something. “Do I detect,” He asks, lowering his voice, “That you have feelings for him?”

“In a way. I guess I do….Did….If things had been different, then maybe him and me….After the war….But Jules coming back into my life so suddenly changed all that.”

Mama is about to say something more when a shout is heard from Ta’alan’s cabin. He and Ull are shut in there, and have been for most of the afternoon. Karnov goes back into the bacta tank.

“What are those boys up to?”

Rojic makes an obscene gesture. Niall shakes his head. “I don’t think so.”

“They’re teenage boys. Probably only just woke up. –After all it is nearly supper time.”

“They’re probably listening to music, playing computer games and fantasising about Twi’lek girls.”

“I suppose that’s better than fantasising about music, listening to the computer and playing with girls.”

Mama frowns. “I don’t suppose anyone asked the captain if Ull could come aboard. –After all he’s hardly paying his way….”

Karnov taps on the glass of the Bacta tank.

“What’s that? Can you run some more hot in?”

Karnov shakes her head. “Okay Joe, can you translate?”

Karnov taps again. Joe-9T nods and nods some more. “Okay….Got it!”

He turns to Mama. “Karnov says, she’ll willingly make a handsome donation to the ship’s running costs, plus out-of-pocket expenses, a large discretionary donation to the Saturday night Sabacc pot, and personally clean out the latrine for the duration….”

Karnov starts tapping even more furiously at the glass, shaking her head and clenching her fist at the driod. “Oh and she says she’ll be acting as Ull’s personal guarantor, as well as your bodyguard, assistant, shoe-licker, lackey and doormat.” Joe-9T continues, wishing he had a mouth that could grin. The tapping intensifies to a crescendo.

“Better stop taunting her. That glass will break if you’re not careful.” Niall warns.

“No it won’t. It’s a half-inch thick, besides, if it gets a crack in it, the Bacta repairs it!”

“That’s cleared that up then.” Mama beams at Karnov. “Just what I like to see…A little reciprocity. Ull can bunk with Ta’alan for the time being. Jimmi’s got a spare mattress, once we detach it from the ceiling….-And cash’ll do nicely.” She pulls on a jacket. “Where are you off to?” Rojic asks.

“Well, I thought I might help in the field hospital. –You know for the war effort.”

“What volunteering? What’s up with you?” Rojic wants to know.

“Nothing, I was hoping to stock up on bunches of grapes and boxes of chocolates!”

They watch her go. “I’ve got a bad….Er…. sensation about this….” Niall says.

“Oh why?” Ull asks.

“Last time Mama was allowed into the operating theatre, she left some forceps inside the patient. He suffered several complications and died.”

“Blimey!” Ull looks genuinely shocked. He goes a funny colour. His eyes get even wider than they already are –no mean feat! Niall continues, “Yeah, he was in agony for days. Very bad! He only went in for an ingrowing toenail as well!”

Ull stares at Niall still trying to comprehend the enormity of the situation.

Niall baits Ull even more, “Actually, I pity anyone she has to sew up. – She tried knitting me some socks one day and had to take a saw to them several times to get the legs the same length…Shocking!”

Ull makes some strangled gurgling noises in his throat. The others all make excuses and leave to go somewhere where their guffaws can’t be heard.

Later, Karnov and the others are discussing Ull’s gullibility.

“That was funny. You had him dangling, and no mistake!” Rojic chuckles.

Ull comes into the cargo bay. “Like shooting Mon-Calamari in a barrel….” Karnov says, then adds, “Did I say that out loud?”

Ull looks at her. “You shot Mon Calamari in barrel?”

“Oh yes. Sometimes we even put water in it to make it interesting!”

At that moment, Jimmi wanders in. “I don’t want to alarm anybody, but I stopped by the detention room where the colonel and the commander are being held.”

Suddenly everyone stops messing around and becomes serious.

“So?”

“So I was walking past on my afternoon constitutional, and I saw some clones erecting a wooden pillar, unfolding blindfolds and checking their blaster rifles.”

The colonel after 2 hours in prison!

“They can’t shoot them at dawn!”

“No Dawn might object.”

“Oh ha-ha. Very funny. –Not!”

Joe-9T has the final say. “Well, in a big galaxy, it’s bound to be dawn somewhere! – Hmmm…. A nice juicy double execution. –Top notch entertainment. –Get me a ringside seat! Anyone got any popcorn?”

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Footnotes:

Niall's player was absent for this episode, hence the blank expression and sluggish reaction times!