"The Battle of Kamino."

Written and Directed by:
Paul Burton.
Fiction by: Paul Burton and (mostly) Anthony Hummerston.
STARRING:

Karnov,   Jimmi,   Niall,   Rojic,    Ta'alan,  Mama
And special guest stars:
Hen3ry , Joe-9T, Trio and 'Blinkie.'
as the droids.

AND
Storm Cutter, their collection of 40,000 rusty rivets flying in rough formation.

The colonel is still chewing on his diced carrot. “Where exactly did you get this?”

“Oh just a ship we were on the other day.”

He shakes his head. “No matter. Did you understand your role?”

“Well, Mama flies us in, and hopefully we don’t crash. Then the clones deploy and take the bridge and knock out the shield generators. Then we depart and you blow the ship out of the water from orbit.”

The colonel’s eyebrows rise slightly.

“-And we’re all home for tea and tiffin.”

The colonel starts to say something about not being flippant about military briefings, but his voice is drowned out by several warning alarms. “That’s your mark.” He says, interrupting himself. “Good luck….And may the force be with you.”

The Jedi lead off. They are met by clone trooper 24769 – or ‘Starman’ as he prefers. He is the officer of their platoon. He takes them down to their ride. A LAAT gunship is already being prepped for launch. “Okay lads. Our Jedi are here. You can rest easy, but bunch up a bit. Give ‘em some room.”

“Thanks, 24769 – Or do you prefer Starman?”

“Starman is fine, sir.”

“Good, coz I’ll never remember everyone’s number.”

“Right you are sir. I apologise that you can’t do a troop inspection. We only came out of hyperspace about twenty minutes ago. -Right before you came.”

“Lucky you did. It was us that tipped off the colonel.”

“We’ll find you a place to perch. –Unless you’d like to fly.”

Niall and Mama exchange glances. “We’ll take a turn up front.” Niall says.

“You can drive if you’d like.” Mama tells Niall, “After all, I just crash the ship at the first sign of a fight, and run away….!”

Starman isn’t yet tuned in to the crew’s crude humour. He tells Niall, “From what we’ve seen, we’ll be lucky to get down in one piece. Clankers are putting up a lot of firepower, sir.”

“Then we’ll go in fast and low. I know a few trcks.” Mama reassures him. “I was joking about the running away. I mostly waddle.” The claxon sounds and they take up positions.

A droid’s voice counts them down. “Drop zone co-ordinates matched. You may drop in….Ten, nine, eight.”

The cruiser’s doors open. Wind and rain buffets the dropships still in the hanger. Beneath them the sea boils and a storm is raging. “Great weather!” Karnov says, holding on to the strap above her head.

Some of the team look a little green as they put on their helmets.

“….Four, three.…” Mama has a hand on the release lever. “Two….”She releases the catch and the gunship drops like a stone. “Yeeeehaaa!” Rojic yells over the sound of the wind and rain.

A second later the other ships drop and follow our heroes. Mama dives for sea level, and flies straight as an arrow for the enemy. After some rough minutes, blaster bolts start to come their way. The assault is on!

Flying an atmospheric craft is quite different to flying a freighter in space. Mama trims the rudder to a quarter starboard, to try and counter a serious crosswind. The meagre wipers on the front screen give a few miliseconds of clear vision every second. –Not much to go on. The anti-aircraft flack becomes more and more intense. Behind them another craft has already been hit, its port side engine billowing black smoke. Rojic is hunched over a cramped console furiously trying to slice into the enemy computers. Jimmi is standing stock still, looking in the force for an opening. Karnov is reassuring the nervous troopers that they’ll soon be on firm ground, and that Niall and Mama are the best two pilots she knows.

“How many pilots do you know, sir?”

“It’s Ma’am, but you may call me Karnov.”

“As you wish, Ma’am. –How many?”

“Um….Two.”

“Two?”

“I forgot Kima Venn. –So….Er….

“Three!” Starman prompts.

“Er…If you say so….I didn’t do advanced mathematics at the academy.”

“Good thing you don’t know four pilots. I think it’d blow your mind!”

Jimmi gives a watery smile, and Ta’alan chortles. The troopers think that Karnov is having a joke, and smile politely under their helmets. They hang on to their straps. They take turns holding Rojic steady at the computer console. In the end they rig up a durasteel wire sling with a Bantha leather seat.

“It’s kind of like a coat hanger and a nappy!” One clone jokes. The laughter almost drowns out the sound of heavy blaster cannons outside. Now Rojic is installed in the harness. He swings like an infant in a baby bouncer!

Rojic gets a feed from the enemy computers. Try as he might, he can’t entirely wipe out all traces of their approach. Instead he duplicates their attack run several times over, and the blaster fire diminishes somewhat as the enemy search out the ghost signals on its radar.

“Boosting power!” Rojic informs the pilots. Mama pushes the stick forward, overtaking Kima Venn’s ship. Niall waves out of the side window, but cannot be seen over the rain and spray. Mama is selecting large waves. She keeps the ship level and in the trough behind the crests of the massive breakers. Niall keeps a close eye on weather and trimming the avionics to keep the ship from plunging into the sea, skewing sideways, or being buried by the next wave. Behind them, the other ships are not doing so well. Already a few have met a watery end. –There is no time for them to stop for survivors. “We’ll leave that to the colonel!” Karnov reassures the other clones.

The last section of their journey is no cake-walk. The enemy are putting up so much flack, that it is almost impossible to guide the drop ship without being hit. Rojic redirects power from any available source and boosts it to the engines. The gauge is well into the danger area. “Put it this way…” He yells over the screaming fusion engines, “We’ll either burn them out or we fall short. –Either way there’ll be nothing to salvage afterwards!”

Jimmi is holding on to the door frame between the troop deck and the cockpit. Using the force to guide Niall and Mama to the areas where the anti-aircraft guns cannot cover one another. In this narrow and ever-changing corridor the craft barrels along. The other pilots are grateful for the cover, but as the LAAT comes within the last few hundred yards, several things happen in quick succession. The port wing takes a direct hit. There is a sudden lurch to the left. Shrapnel and engine parts slam into the thin fuselage. The clones thank their makers that the doors are still shut.

“We’re hit!” Jimmi yells over the sound of the barrage. “I know!” Rojic screams back. Mama is remaining surprisingly cool. “I think we lost the left stabiliser!” She informs Rojic. As she does so, he observes a large chunk of the airframe spin away into the sea. “That’s because we lost the entire port wing!” The ship suffers another direct hit. The console explodes in a mass of sparks, and the nose dips alarmingly, flinging everyone forward. Red lights flash and alarms scream a warning. There are no more options. Jimmi is calm, pointing to the right, and indicating something. “There! A little patch of calm!” Sure enough, a ship sized tunnel opens up in the flak. Mama pushes the remaining one engine into overload. Niall yanks hard on the stick struggling for height. “If we smash into the bow of the ship, I’m sending you my underwear bill!” He says through gritted teeth. Mama pulls an old smuggler trick, by pulling hard to one side, she lets the flank of the craft take the flack and present itself to the wind. She guns the engine and the ship amazingly finds more lift. A second later and the landing gear is deployed.

“Learn form the master….” Mama says. Niall covers his eyes. They aren’t going to make it!

The impact with the enemy vessel tears the landing struts clean off. The slip slews around a full circle and in a great plume of smoke and sparks, skids to a halt several hundred yards down the deck. The clones make ready to disembark before the deck guns can depress enough to target them. Niall helps Mama up from the seat, a trickle of blood in her eyes. She leans into the microphone. “Thank you for flying Redmoreton airlines. You may now disembark what is left of your vessel!” The clones need no second prompting. Under Karnov’s guidance they step out into the lee of the ship as the deck guns find their range. Bolt after bolt of hot plasma slam into the vessel and it slowly disintegrates under the ferocity of the attack. The clones run for cover. Karnov, Niall and Jimmi scout ahead, looking for way off the deck. They spy a hatchway some forty yards away. In a mad dash, the Jedi run for the entrance. The storm, the rain and the wind threaten to sweep them off the slippery deck. Additional sentry guns pop up and threaten to shred them first. There is no time for subtlety, and they slice into the hatch and rip it off its hinges. The clones come pouring in. Bringing up the rear is a panting Mama. Niall drags her inside. Niall and Karnov start working their way along the corridor. Rojic plugs a datapad into a scomp port and runs a slicing programme. Seconds later he downloads schematics of the vessel. “Here…” He tells Starman, “Along the corridor and take a right. From there its more or less straight on along the service way until you get to an open area. Beyond that are ramps up to the bridge and….”

“-And?”

“-And from there you should be able to shut down the shield generators.”

“-And after that?”

“After that you’re on your own. As soon as the shields are down, the colonel is going to blow this vessel out of the water!”

Starman blinks at him. The moment is lost however as one of the clones comes over with something for Rojic. “We knocked this up for you….” It is Rojic’s turn to blink as he regards the clone’s handiwork. “Er thanks….I think!” The object is a clone’s armoured breastplate. It has long gashes cut from the back to encompass Rojic’s wings, and the chest has been crudely truncated. A black cover-all has been trimmed to offer some protection for his legs and arms, and a short length of string extends his utility belt over the armour. It may look comical, but it does work. Some of the clones redistribute Rojic’s tools among them, to stop him being over encumbered. In a moment he is battle ready!”

Not a moment too soon either. Their hasty withdrawal from the lethal firing range of the deck has attracted the attention of a squad of battle droids. They come marching in formation along the corridor and start opening fire. Niall and Karnov leap into their ranks, as the other heroes and the clones shoot back. Niall slices through two, his lightsabre now a blazing sun colour. Karnov follows suit, not as showy but just as effective. Another two droids fall in pieces to the deck. Jimmi picks off two, while Mama and Rojic take out the one each on the flank. The Jedi part left and right in time for the droids to half-turn and the clones to open fire. They shoot five more, leaving one left.

Thirty clones make for some devastating firepower. With Jimmi, Rojic and Mama adding to the destruction, the last droid is blasted into a thousand and one pieces. Three seconds after it started it is over. The droid heads chatter to one another. “Which one’s the Jedi?”

“I don’t know….Blast them all!”

“I can’t! I’ve got no arms!”

The clones nod to one another. Their heroic protectors have seen them through their first encounter without loss.

But there is no time to collect droid bits to salvage. The platoon moves forward. They are pleased that their first encounter has gone smoothly and without injury. They come to a sealed bulkhead. Niall drops to his knees and starts work with a demolition charge. Mama pays out some detonation-cord.

“Learning from the master?” Niall jokes.

“Oh yes….” She passes him a length of cord. It is dripping wet.

“I can’t use this!” He tells her. “It has to be dry.”

“You never said it had to be dry!”

“Of course it has to be dry!”

“I did my best. I stuffed it down my shirt!”

Niall resists the temptation to look around. “Seeing you in a wet shirt wasn’t on my list of things to do today!”

“I was hoping Jimmi might fish it out….!”

In the end they scrape together a length of cord enough to blow the bulkhead. Niall ushers everyone back, and with a satisfying thud the door blows in. Karnov and Ta’alan have found a service tunnel. “We’re taking Joe-9T. -We’ll skirt around.”

The clones clear the debris. Jimmi looks ahead using the force. “The next section is clear, but you’re better off taking the cargo transport tube for a hundred meters or so. It’s wider and has ribs along the walls holding the roof up. –Better cover if you’re attacked.”

“Thanks Jimmi.” Niall says, “Okay Starman, let’s get a move on!”

Niall and Mama work on another door. This time sealing it rather than opening it. “I need some of that welding ribbon.” Niall says, crouching down. Mama hands him some out of the kit. Niall takes it. “Thanks….But….”

“But what?”

“This is dry!” Niall exclaims, “When you attach it, the moisture evaporates starting the reaction!”

“Well I peeled off the sticky strip ready for you.” Mama explains, apologetically.

“No matter, all we need to do is wet it again.”

“How about the sweat off my brow?” Mama offers.

“I usually spit. –And in this case I really could!” Niall jokes.

“Sorry.”

“No matter. We all have to learn sometime….Though in the middle of a critical raid on the enemy base probably isn’t the best time and place!”

“Funny what you learn when it’s life or death….”

They are interrupted by the sounds of a lightsabre and two blasters firing a long burst. “That must be Karnov. She must have run into a patrol.” A moment later they can hear the lightsabre power down. “Must have sliced and shot their way through the patrol!”

Having sealed the door, they trot forward. There is an ominous rumbling sound coming their way. Jimmi’s ears prick up. “Incoming….Sounds like….”

“Rollers!” One of the clones says, putting his helmet back on.

“Low profile! Covering fire!” Starman commands. Jimmi, Mama and Niall move to the front, just as three Droidekas roll into position. There is but a second before they deploy their shields and start their deadly withering fire.

The clones drop and fire back. The first bolt to come their way narrowly misses Niall. He sweeps the lightsaber in its direction, and the bolt is deflected back to the Droideka. A plume of energy bursts off its portable shield. The other shots hit a trooper, miss Mama altogether and hit a trooper on the other side. The two troopers drop to the floor mortally wounded.

Another shot hits Jimmi, who is standing stock still and concentrating. Two more troopers are injured. Niall leaps in to attack the Droidekas at close quarters, Jimmi finishes concentrating and lifts the leftmost Droideka up and around precisely seventy five degrees. As it is pulled forwards its fire interferes with the fire and shield of the rightmost Droideka. They continue firing at one another and blocking the central droid. A moment later their shields try to destabilise one another and both short out. With the shields down, a barrage of heavy blaster shots mutually destroy one another! By this time, Niall has got close enough to the middle Droideka. With a jump, he clears the shield, attacking the less well protected rear. A stroke of the lightsabre cuts the machine in two, stopping it dead.

Three clones have died in the attack. Others are injured and one is critically wounded. The clones won’t leave their brother to die, and start stripping armour and applying kolto patches and injecting stims. It is touch and go. Jimmi crouches and gently lays on hands. “Trust me….” Jimmi says to the wounded clone, but the clone is too close to death to pay much heed. Jimmi channels the force, transferring life from the surrounding environment into the stricken man. The clone’s eyes flutter open, he gasps for breath. The other clones have unrolled a field stretcher and place the clone upon it. “What’s your name?” Jimmi asks kindly.

“Seven zero five one seven.”

“Not your number, your name.”

“The others call me ‘Wails’ I have bad dreams and call out in my sleep.”

“Well rest now, you’re going to be okay.”

Niall and Mama have scouted ahead. They can hear the distinctive sound of Ta’alan’s blasters, Sarah-Jane and Karnov’s lightsabre again from an adjacent corridor. They signal to Starman to come up and reconnoitre.

“We’ll contact Karnov to meet us up ahead. Rojic?”

“What?” Comes a gruff voice half in and half out of the improvised body armour.

“We need Karnov. Switch on the com. We might pick her up on channel two.”

“Good thing it isn’t a channel with a higher number, sir.” Starman says, grinning under his helmet.

“If you look through this viewport, you can see the lightsabre!” Rojic points. Sure enough Karnov and Ta’alan are finishing off a squad of battle droids. Ta’alan waves and they come up the corridor to join the others.

Karnov comes into sight. She waves. “Got delayed. I didn't know what time it was and the lights were low.”

“Uh huh?”

“Er….Yes.”

“Okay. Now what do we have here?”

The clones come up. Starman gets them to fan out and cover the entrances. Niall supervises sealing the doors. “We can weld ‘em shut for now, but blow them out or cut through with a lightsabre if we need to escape in a hurry.”

“Unless I help.” Mama says, making them chuckle, “I tend to weld shut the shōji doors, and leave open the ray-shielded blast doors!”

“No matter. We’re here now.” They are in an open area with two curving ramps upward. “If I’m reading the schematic right, then these are the ramps to the bridge.” Rojic says, tapping at a datapad.

“Good work.” Starman tells him. Rojic boggles back at him.

Niall takes Starman to one side. “Never. Never. Never praise a Toydarian. -It makes their heads swell. Swell unbearably. –Then everyone suffers.”

“Oh. Right you are sir.”

Jimmi creeps forward up the ramp a little way. By relaying shapes and sights in the force, they build a picture of what lies ahead.

“There is a bridge. Both ramps lead to large blast doors. I can ‘see’ many battle droids. The area is pretty wide but not too deep. There are consoles and stations for various ship systems. The commander is probably a Neimoidian. There is a mixture of other races. There’s a Colicoid, a Devaronian, Tw’leks, an Arkanian and a Nikto. The technicians are either service droids or humanoids.

Karnov divides her forces. “I’ll take on anyone with a lightsabre….After all it is my turn. Niall had the last one.”

“The Farghul girl. He ‘had’ her?” Ta’alan asks. “I thought he was a one Twi’lek man.”

“I am!” Niall states for the record. “I didn’t have her… I fought her!”

“I think that with Farghul girls, fighting and making love are not that different.” Mama says.

“Sounds like your marriage.” Jimmi says, “I for one maintain that every soldier loves a sailor.”

This gets them all scratching their heads.

“As I was saying,” Karnov continues, “I’ll take half the clones, Starman, Mama and Jimmi. Niall you take the other clones, Rojic and Ta’alan.”

“What can I do?” Wails asks.

“You stay here. Keep the com channel open. We’ll leave you a blaster and a few grenades. The droids might bring some of their forces from the rear. You’re our eyes and ears. We’ll slide you here….” They push the stretcher into a corner where he won’t be seen immediately and has some cover. “It’s the best we can do.”

“We’ll be back for you Wails.” Starman says, “Never leave a brother behind.”

Niall and Karnov exchange a glance.

“Ready?” Ta’alan asks, eager to get on with it.

“Ready.”

“On my mark.”

“Just one thing….” Starman says, “How come you keep quoting lines from a song?”

Jimmi looks all innocent. “Just part of my sage persona coming through I guess.”

“You’re not making fun of my name?”

“No, no, no…. People make fun of me on stage. I know how hurtful it can be.”

“They call Jimmi the “Thin White Duke-or-Duchess.” Rojic jokes.

Karnov wants to focus. “Ready?” She says again with added emphasis.

“As Risha would say…. ‘Let’s do this!’”

Some of our enemies....

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Footnotes:

Did anyone spot the many references the the David Bowie song 'Starman?' -There are several to find!