"The Dark Crystals."

Written and Directed by:
Paul Burton.
Fiction by: Paul Burton and (mostly) Anthony Hummerston.
STARRING:

Karnov,   Jimmi,   Niall,   Rojic,    Ta'alan,  Mama
And special guest stars:
Hen3ry , Joe-9T, Trio and 'Blinkie.'
as the droids.

AND
Storm Cutter, their church house / gin house / school house / out house.

Two days later, Storm Cutter has stopped rocking. The slightly dodgy landing strut can take very little more of this punishment. Droids form Tatooine have gathered around it to investigate a possible new source of moisture – the drips from the steamed-up windows! Mama and Julan have been working things out. The other heroes have returned from two days of shore leave on Ryloth. Niall and Oona have been to the Floating Rock Gardens of Ryloth. When the wind catches Oona’s lekku, she squeals with delight. “Isn’t it delicious!” When they return to Oona’s room, she tells him candidly, “It makes my lekku all tingly….-And as you know, they’re part brain, part erogenous zone….” This starts a whole new discussion that inevitably ends up in bed.

Jimmi and Ta’alan go to find out how big damn heroes behave while on shore leave. This inevitably ends up in bed. – Though not with one another. Rojic spends a happy two days away fixing Joe-9T with his Chadra Fan friend’s help. Which inevitably ends up with a discussion about lubricating oil and a bit of welding.

Karnov is left to wander the streets, disapproving of most of what she sees there, aiding hurt citizens by healing herself and administering justice. She also shows little old Twi’lek ladies across the road which inevitably ends up in bed. –After all, a busy Jedi needs her beauty sleep!

Having spent exactly two days away (although there is confusion how one has night and day on a tidally-locked planet) the ramp descends slowly, and Mama and Julan are on the sofa, taking in the vista and munching on Bantha-buttered toast.

“Any news?” Jimmi asks.

“Kory sent a holo a minute before you arrived. –Just as we were getting out of bed.”

“But it’s the middle of the afternoon!”

“Like I said, getting out of bed….” Mama reiterates with a wink.

“I got the holo too.” Niall tells them, “Kory has found a contact that was dealing with the Storm ships here on Ryloth. –We though that we might pay a visit and see exactly what was in those shipments. –Though I’m guessing it was Roon stones on the return leg. –After all, that’s where the ships were going from and to.”

“An empty hold is an empty head.” Mama says, squeezing Julan’s hand.

“Eh?” Karnov doesn’t get it.

“Old space trader maxim.”

“Who’s Maxim?” Karnov asks again.

“I think Karnov has an empty hold!” Ta’alan jokes, Karnov looks at her hands and she shakes her head. –It rattles.

“I guess that’s the best lead we’ve got.” Niall says, “Unless Julan would like to add anything?”

“Plausible deniability was a clause in the contract. –I’m sorry. –It was a case of extra credits for no questions asked or answered. The goods went though some sort of bonded warehouse system. –So only a handful of people were aware of the contents. They gave guarantees that the cargoes were legal. -Though I have my doubts now.”

“Best get going,” Karnov says, “the trail will go cold as soon as Igbo doesn’t turn up at his next appointment and people start asking questions.” Julan looks apologetic, “Tell you what –let me dig into some of the contract records. There may be something that we’ve overlooked. I should clear out the apartment and office too. I could use some help….”

Oona volunteers. “I’ll come back with you. I need to look into a couple of things.”

“That’s settled then.” Niall says, “I need to contact the council and keep them updated on our progress.”

“I need to contact the council too.” Karnov remembers.

“Well, I’m going to tell them about these ghost shipments and get orders on how to proceed. –Keep the colonel in the loop, and let him know that Igbo of Rodia is no longer in the land of the living.” Niall turns to his fellow Jedi. “What did you want to talk to the council about?”

“Oh!” Karnov is genuinely surprised. “Oh you mean the Jedi council….”

Niall is puzzled. “Of course the Jedi council. What were you thinking, the Kala’din city council? What’s up? Your bin not emptied on this week?”

The others all have a good laugh at Karnov’s expense. She merely shrugs it off.

Niall manages to contact the council. They advise him to follow any available lead and that following the money is always a sound strategy. “They also suspect that the Storm fleet was indirectly supplying the separatists.” He reports. “I guess that with Roon behind the Cloak of the Sith, it makes for a good place to smuggle stuff in and out under the noses of the Republic.

“We’d best get going and track down this contact of Kory’s.” They take a stroll into the backstreets and soon find what they are looking for. A scruffy office at the end of an alley. From here several warehouses are served by a single shipping office. The sight of Mama flanked by two Jedi is almost enough to loosen the tongue of the shipping master.

“We’re interested in several cargoes that you ran to Roon recently.” Mama pushes a datapad at the Twi’lek man. He sounds nervous, “All I know is the man on Roon. Here….” He scribbles on the datapad with a stylus.

“Thank you for your assistance.” Mama smiles at the terrified master. “Oh, and sorry about the mess.”

“What mess?” The master asks.

“Okay boys and girls….Let’s tear this place apart!”

Karnov scratches her head. “Er….Boss, there’s only a desk a chair and a datapad here.”

Between them they manage to knock over the chair and drop the datapad on the floor. As Mama and Niall stride out, Karnov apologises.

“Well that ties that up,” Mama says to Niall, “Talking of which….Could we stretch to another couple of days shore leave. Jules and I have a lot of catching up to do….”

“No. I think we’ve delayed enough.” Niall says without thinking. “Hey! What do you mean by ‘tying up’?”

“Ahem…Er….Nothing….”

“Just when you think you know a person…It turns out you don’t.”

Mama jabs him in the ribs. “Ha! I can’t believe that just at the moment, I’m having more sex than Niall!”

Niall isn’t about to be beaten. “Well you’ve got a dozen years to catch up on….-And you’re married….So that’s about twelve times….I can easily surpass that in a night.” He boasts.

“Oona says you snore in your sleep.”

“Well I don’t snore while I’m awake…That’d be just too weird!”

They are still chafing at one another as they return to the ship. Rojic is dragging Joe-9T by his heels. He stops at the ramp. “Hey! Aren’t you going to help?”

“Well I’m not.”

“Nor me.”

“Me either.”

Karnov says, “I’d love to, -but it’s hair washing day!”

Such is the level of apathy among the crew, Rojic resorts to rigging up a pulley, a capstan and a bosun's chair.After a flurry of knot tying and extreme effort, he finally manages to winch the unfortunate driod up the ramp and over the sofa inch by painful inch. -All by himself. When Rojic is sweaty and completely exhausted, Niall flips a switch at the base of the droid’s neck. Joe-9T comes back online, stands up and walks into the cargo bay by himself. Rojic says some very rude words.

“Better than being piped aboard!” Niall exclaims, and they all settle in for the journey to Roon.

There was to be a training montage, but time didn’t allow. –After all between Ryloth and the Cloak of the Sith which surrounds Roon, is only four hours or so journey time. Niall asks how much fuel is left. Mama stretches forward, picks up a stuffed Ronto. There being nowhere to put the soft toy she hands it to Niall. Then she taps a gauge which shows the needle pointing to one hundred. The needle sinks to twenty-five. “Um…About two day’s worth….Twenty five hours or so travel time.”

“So we’ll need a top-up.”

“Soon.”

“So we have the money?”

“In the old days you could traverse the galaxy on less than a hundred credits. – Um….But now I’m not so sure.”

Niall hands the Ronto back. “The force will provide.”

Rojic flaps in. The incident with Joe-9T forgotten. However he has remembered their previous trip to Roon. “Are you sure that they’ll have forgotten?”

“Well that old hillbilly farmer still wants to talk to you about that night you spent with his daughter….”

Rojic isn’t rising to the bait. “I meant about helping the rebels in their fight against the evil oppressive governor.”

“Oh that? ‘I’m sure they’ve forgotten about all that.” Mama reassures the frightened Toydarian. “-Though I expect that million cred bounty on Niall’s head still stands….After what he did….And not to the farmer’s daughter.”

Niall isn’t taken in. “Nice try, but I’ve never been there.”

“Well buckle up, coz we’re dropping out of hyperspace in a moment. Then things get interesting….”

“Define interesting.”

“As in flying through a vast black dust cloud, littered with black asteroids….In the dark.”

Niall shudders. “Frightened?” Mama asks.

“No…It’s just the name…‘The Cloak of the Sith.’ -It gives me the wiggins.”

“No problem….We’ll be fine. I’ll use every trick in the book. -Every move I know….” Mama deftly takes the controls. –And promptly flies into an asteroid. The ship shudders from stem to stern!

“Okay…Now you’re frightening me!”

“Pfft! That was a small one! The big ones are the size of moons.”

Ta’alan comes racing up to the cockpit. “Something hit us!”

“No son,” Niall tells him. “We hit something. –And if it happens again….” He shudders. “Actually I think you might be better off in Jimmi’s cabin. –What with the mattress on the ceiling and all.”

“Now I understand where Jimmi is coming from. -Anyone got any spare bedding and some nails?”

A few near-misses later, they pass into the dust cloud. They manage to navigate along the trail of beacons that light the way into the cloud. It’s steady going and doesn’t leave any room for error.

“I think we'll need a co-pilot.” Niall says, offering to help, “After all, what else is the co-pilots seat for?”

Mama says, “That’s for me to put my feet on!”

After some hours intense flying, they clear the cloak, and drop from orbit onto a dusty field that passes for a spaceport.

“At least there is proper delineation between docking bays,” Rojic observes as they lower the ramp. Everyone else peers into the Roon gloom. “Look there are posts and pieces of string.” Rojic points. “I expect that they were once purple velvet ropes on heavy brass stands.” Mama says.

“Maybe about forty years ago. –When did you say you were here last?”

“Welcome to Roon,” Mama says, turning to Niall. “-And you are….Welcome to it!”

“Looks okay to me,” Jimmi announces, tapping with the white stick. “Though it smells a bit.”

“Industrial chemicals, dust, mining and that unmistakable smell of….”

“Mynocks!” Rojic says flapping down.

“Ugh! There’s a big one! Shoot it!” Ta’alan yelps.

“That’s Rojic….Stupid!”

“Best leave the sentry guns on.”

“What the velvet string not secure enough for you?”

“No. –Also I think we leave Joe-9T here to stop any ugly winged critters from getting close.”

“Let’s hope he’s still on high alert when Rojic gets back then!”

They troop into town. The capital, Nunurra isn’t big enough to be a city.

“I doubt whether there are a half a million people living on Roon. –And I think half are miners or work in the processing plants.” They try to locate their contact. As ever he appears to be in a bar.

“Of all the gin joints in all the galaxy….You happen to walk into mine.” Amet Lantana says.

“Sorry. The taxi didn’t come this far. –And Rojic isn’t walking, he’s flying.”

“Good point. I hear that there’s something I can do for you?”

“We’re after Roonstones. And a lead on where the storm fleet cane to, picked up from and left from.”

That’ll take a little digging. –As for the stones….They left with the last big shipment. –A trader working for a boss named ‘Tempest’ came about a week ago. Filled up with pretty much every last stone on the planet….-And left.”

Our heroes look at one another. “All of them?”

“All the stones mined up to that date that were in trader’s stores. I heard a rumour that they went around the independent vendors too, and cleaned them out. – If you’d been here a few days ago, the town was in party mood – what with all the extra cash coming in all of a sudden. –It’s quietened down a bit now of course.”

“How often do they come?”

“They’ve been shipping here for about ten years. They must have been here hundreds of times.”

Mama turns to Rojic. “How much for these types of gems?”

“Oh about a hundred to two hundred….Depending on size, quality, quantity. The very best would fetch around a thousand….But those are extremely rare.”

Mama does a quick calculation in her head. Ta’alan tries to do it on a datapad. Mama has the answer first. “So over time they’ve moved roughly ten million credits worth?”

“Give or take.”

Ta’alan asks, “Wow! How did you work that out so fast?”

“One word, little Togruta. –Education!”

Karnov says, “I’m still trying to do a hundred stones at a hundred credits each…..”

“Any particular properties in these stones?” Jimmi asks.

“No. Plain, simple. –All the same type- plain gemstones only.”

Rojic knows a bit about these things. “Good for costume jewellery , -Though you could make low-power lasers from them. –If you got a clear one you could make maybe a hold-out blaster emitter.”

Niall concurs. “A lightsabre would need something bigger. An ice-jewel, Roonstone, Damind crystal, frost gem, or something like that. –Small stones don’t usually have the focal length, nor the lattice structure.”

Rojic is keen to show off. “The diamond lattice -formed by the carbon atoms in a damind crystal- consists of two interpenetrating face-centered cubic Bravais lattices, displaced along the body diagonal of the cubic cell by one quarter the length of the diagonal. It can actually be regarded as a face-centered cubic lattice.”

“Remind me of that again. -When I design a cage for you!”

Mama steers them back to the conversation. “But thousands of small stones. –What is that all about?”

“I don’t know. Maybe smaller stones equals less energy. -Maybe?”

Karnov asks, “Could you make a big weapon from thousands of focussing stones?”

Mama shakes her head. “Not unless you could get individual beams to focus on a single point. –Theoretically possible, but the alignment and balancing would be a real headache. –Any slight misalignment would skew it one way or another.”

“What about ship’s guns?” Ta’alan asks.

“Same problem. But with low power output, you’d need an additional powerplant and stable firing platform. –So no dice on that score.”

After Jimmi caves in and buys a round of Bantha milks, Lantana apologises. “It would appear that I’ve misjudged you. I’ll get the special bottle. I might have a few sample stones too.” He gets up to fetch them. As soon as he is gone, Rojic and Mama light up death sticks. Ta’alan feels a tug on his sleeve. Thinking he is still on Ryloth, and that it is another gaggle of ladies vying for his attention, he gives it the brush-off. “Not now sweetheart!”

There is a curious smell. Ta’alan turns to see what is going on. At his elbow is a dusty, musty Sullustan.

“G’ad me hoola jalooya!”

“Sorry, I don’t speak Sullustese.”

“Want flamegems?”

“Er…”

“Hundred credits a gem. –Cheap!”

Ta’alan is suspicious. “Okay, where did you pinch ‘em from?”

The Sullustan gabbles on. “No pinch. I have supply. My brother work in mine. We meet you….” The Sullustan looks around. He sees Lantana coming back. “Not here….In dark zone. He presses a data cube into Ta’alan’s hand, and disappears under the table.

Lantana sits back down. “Sorry no stones. I think my assistant sold them the other day, just as the price rose sharply. –She must’ve heard there was a big buyer in town. –Word is that they’re on their way to Druckenwell. –But it’s not confirmed.” He offers the bottle.

“Actually we need to be going.” Niall says.

“No matter. Nice to have met you.”

“We’ll head off to Druckenwell, try to catch up with them there….It’s our best lead so far.”

Karnov isn’t so sure. “This whole thing is a big old chase around the galaxy. –Everyone meets shady people in bars. Drinking goes on. –Especially the ‘special bottle.’ –Then we find out that our quarry has moved on and the cycle repeats.”

“I think I’m in a rut.” Jimmi says, sighing.

“But I’m looking at the stars!” Mama says, trying to sound upbeat.

“Not here you don’t. The Cloak of the Sith hides everything.” Niall reminds them, “The night sky is all black with only the moon to break the monotony.”

“The moon on Roon falls mainly on the….” Jimmi starts to say, and can’t think of a rhyme.

Ta’alan says, “Spoon!”

“-Stupid boy!”

They say their thanks to Lantana, and troop out. “Not having the special bottle?” Karnov asks Rojic. There is a sudden inrush of air as the Toydarian flies back at R17 speed. He swipes the bottle from the table in front of Lantana. “Thanks.”

“No problem. –Oh, and say hi to your girl back on Ryloth.”

Mama stops Ta’alan. “Aren’t you going to say thank you to your host?”

Ta’alan stops and turns around. He calls through the doorway. “Thanks….And sorry about the mess!”

Karnov shakes her head. “Teenagers eh?”

Ta’alan proves to be more useful. He fills in the others with the details of his chance meeting with the Sullustan. Niall ponders. Karnov says, “It’s a trap!”

“That’s the Mon Calamari talking.” Jimmi points out.

Karnov spits. “Pah! Mon Calamari! What do they know? I’ll stake my reputation on this not being a trap. -Stupid Mon Calamari!”

In the end they decide to head out to the rendezvous. A short speeder trip later, they get to the co ordinates. They get out and walk the last mile, so as not to draw too much attention to themselves. In the gloom, they can make out bones of Banthas. “A Bantha graveyard!”

Niall is quiet. “Poor beasts. Stuck out here, subsistence living….Or a life of slavery…..Not much of a life…. –And nothing left at the end but bones and dust.”

“That just about sums up my life on Storm Cutter.” Jimmi says, with feeling. They make their way to the edge of the graveyard. The co-ordinates match. But no-one is there.

“It’s quiet….It’s too quiet!”

“There’s no-one here.”

“I can see that!” Jimmi says, with a hint of irony.

“Should we wait?”

“Here in this desolate nothingness….Who are we waiting for, Godot?”

Suddenly Rojic yelps. “Oh god! Oh god! Oh god!”

“Not oh god…. Godot!”

“Actually, he’s been shot at!”

“Good shot, Godot!”

Rojic growls.

At that moment, several more blaster rifles fire and everyone sprawls in the dust.

“As captain Ackbar would say….. ‘It’s a trap!’”

“They’ll make him a general one day.”

In an instant, three dozen Koboks open up with rifles and carbines.

Niall and Karnov ignite aquamarine and blue lightsabres, and wade into the fray. The others give covering fire. Niall’s opening attack slices two Koboks into four neat pieces. Karnov isn’t so elegant, but actually manages three kills. Blaster bolts zing and fizz around the Bantha graveyard, while our heroes rack up kills. They take a few minor wounds. Rojic gets pinned inside a Bantha skull for a moment and his situation doesn’t look good, but big gaps open in the Kobok ranks, until with hasty covering fire, the remaining quarter make a run for it into the desert. The shooters fire long bursts close to the fleeing creatures to press home the point.

“What was that all about?”

“I think someone set us up!”

They pick up rifles and carbines, and pile them onto the speeder. Rojic refuses to help. His paranoia has triggered and he flaps high into the air for a view of the terrain.

“What’s up? You scared?”

“No I noticed something odd.”

“What was that? A yellow streak all up your back? – You’ve always had that, Rojic.”

“No,” Rojic calls down, “Not that….The Banthas….Or rather their skeletons….They’re all lined up.”

“Perhaps they are…..Were….English Banthas –Always queuing. –Still queuing after death.”

Jimmi jokes, “Well they should form a queue for the afterlife. -You wouldn’t want someone pushing in after a life of orderly waiting in line would you?”

“That isn’t what I meant. – I should have said that they’re all pointing south.”

“Maybe they’re migrating for the winter.”

Karnov shows her superior knowledge. “Tidally locked….No such thing -Stupid!”

Niall calls up. “Can you see anything in that direction?”

“Let me check.” Rojic moves off.

After a while he reports back. “Actually there is a downed spaceship about two clicks in that direction.”

“We’ll be there in two clicks.”

They cross the dusty valley and find a downed spaceship.

“You don’t see many of those nowadays.” Mama says.

“No.” Jimmi says.

“No.” Karnov says.

“No?” Niall says.

“No.” Ta'alan says.

“No!” Rojic says.

“No?” Mama says.

“No.” Jimmi says again.

“Are we gonna stand around here all day saying no?”

“No.” Everyone else says.

“As I was saying,” Mama continues, “This thing’s gotta be centuries old.”

Niall confirms this. “I think it might be a late generation Fury. –That’s the late Sith Empire – Ancient history.”

“–About the time when Mama was a boy.” Ta’alan says, cheekily.

Mama’s eyes narrow. You’re not too old to go over me knee for a spanking.”

“Now there’s a phrase I haven’t heard for a long time.” Jimmi admits. “Well, I say a long time….I mean about two days ago. It was coming form Ta’alan’s room. I don’t think that waitress was taking orders for a light lunch.”

“Well….” Ta’alan puts a wealth of meaning into the word. “I had been very naughty.”

“What did you do?”

Ta’alan tells Jimmi, who goes a funny shade of red. “-That makes me want to run off to the temple and become a virgin….Again!”

They pick their way to the ship. “Look!” Rojic cries, “The sand has started to become deciduous. –It’s all clumping together and becoming sandstone.”

Karnov doesn’t agree. “I don’t think you mean deciduous.”

“Well, whatever the word is.”

After some searching they find a hatchway into the interior. They pry it half open.

“What we need is for someone to fly into the open half of the half-open hatchway.”

“And….?”

“-And open a bigger one so we can all get through….And also the cargo ramp so Mama can squeeze in.”

When they finally get in, Niall, Jimmi and Karnov all get the wiggins. “I get the feeling we’re being watched.”

“Strange, I’m getting that too. –And the feeling that someone is walking over my grave….Which is somewhat disconcerting seeing as I’m not dead yet.”

Ta’alan can’t feel the feeling. “I’m just scared that Mama’s gonna get stuck somewhere, and we’ll be trapped for ages while she slims down. –You know, like that children’s story….When Pooh gets stuck in Rabbit’s hole.”

The waves of laughter reverberate around the ghost ship. “I still fell like I’m being watched.” Karnov says again, “Not the best feeling when one needs to use the head.”

“You should have gone before we left!”

They search the ship. “Crew must’ve escaped before the crash.”

“Or died out there in the desert….Poor things.”

“Always stay with your vessel.” Ta’alan advises. “Sound survival advice.”

Niall isn’t so sure. “True, but crashing on a desert world which wasn’t inhabited at the time – not so sure I agree.”

“Plus the fact that Roon was behind an impenetrable dust cloud.” Karnov reminds them.

Ta’alan isn’t going to be beaten. “Well in that case, you might as well run around willy-nilly. Stark naked, and….”

Mama interrupts, “Whatever floats your boat. Or in your case Ta’alan, -talking of willy-nilly- your deflated dingy!”

Once again the ship echoes eerily with laughter.

. It is very dark in the in the ship. Rojic gets an old blaster power pack from a pocket and finds the lighting circuit. A moment later a dim red glow fills the interior. “This should last an hour or so….” He says.

Still looking for loot, they make their way to the first officer’s cabin. This room is still in total darkness. They feel around. Jimmi suddenly exclaims, “I found a chest!”

“Oooh! Is it full of pirate treasure?”

“Um….I dunno. It’s difficult to make out. –Sort of soft and warm….”

“Jimmi’s probably found a blanket box. After all we are at the foot of the bed!”

Jimmi explores some more in the dark. “I’ll see if it has a clasp or handle or anything….”

Rojic fiddles with a panel. “Give me a minute…..There, got it!” Suddenly a light comes on. Everyone turns to Jimmi, who just as quickly removes a hand from inside Mama’s shirt. “Er….Sorry?” Jimmi says, by way of apology. There is a sound of a slap. “Ow!...-And Ouch!”

“What is it now?” Niall asks.

“I stubbed my toe on a chest….A proper chest.” They look down. Sure enough there is a proper metal-bound chest on the floor. Rojic flaps over there at R17 speed. “Oooh! Now there’s a pretty bauble! –And It’s mine! All mine!”

“Okay, bye….See ya!” The others all troop out, snapping off the light. Rojic is suddenly frightened. “Hey! I didn’t mean it! You know I don’t like the dark….-And I couldn’t lift the chest by itself….” The others keep walking. “Please come back….”

They resume their positions. Niall and Karnov try to lift the box. “I think it’s welded to the floor.”

“Damn!”

“No problem!” Rojic is excited. “I’ve learned a few tricks with locks….I’ll have it open in a jiffy.”

Mama isn’t so delicate. “Why not just lightsabre the end off?”

“Because,” Rojic purrs. “I am an artist!” He gets out a bobby pin and starts on the lock. A few minutes later he has wired up a datapad and slicer’s spike to the bobby pin and is running through a complex display of diagrams and numbers.

Circuit diagram.

Slicer's spike.

Karnov is still wondering about the bobby pin. “I’m still wondering about the bobby pin. I don’t know where he keeps it….Or indeed why.”

Rojic doesn’t even look around. “I’ve got nearly a dozen whiskers. Sometimes I like to tidy them up with a hair grip too.”

Ta’alan jokes, “A dozen? That’s only half as many as that Twi’lek girl that Jimmi was with the other day!” Jimmi pulls a face at Ta’alan. Rojic beavers away doggedly, even sticking his tongue out of the side of his mouth at times. Mama repeats the question about lightsabering the end off.

“This is a very delicate operation.” Rojic informs them, poring over the display of numbers and diagrams. One false move and it could explode in our faces….Even blow us back to Ryloth.”

Everyone waits with bated breath, hardly daring to move a muscle. Even Rojic stops flapping and rests gently on his feet. “In three….Two….”

There is a loud bang! Rojic shoots up to the ceiling in mere milliseconds, bumping his head as he does so. The others al fall about laughing at Mama, who has a popped paper bag in her hands. “Oh the old ones are the best ones!” She giggles like a schoolgirl.

When Rojic has steadied his nerves he swoops in low to Mama, his little fists clenched and a scowl on his face. Mama isn’t in the slightest bit intimidated. “Bite me!” She tells him. Rojic slopes off muttering.

When they have all calmed down, and Rojic has checked his underwear, Jimmi goes into a light trance, and looks inside the box. “What can you see?” Niall asks.

“Wonderful things!”

“Such as?”

“Multi faceted things….A set of gaming dice maybe?”

Rojic has finally picked the lock. As he does so, the two Jedi and Jimmi feel a wave of force energy sweep through the cabin. The others haven’t felt it. Something malevolent makes its presence known in the force, though not yet in the room. Karnov shudders. Jimmi picks up the white cane. With a flick of the wrist, the covering comes off to reveal a long épée.

Alternative slicer's spike!

Niall and Karnov ignite lightsabres. Ta’alan is alarmed. “What’s up? You smell something?”

“I don’t know…I have a bad feeling….That we’re not alone.” As Rojic draws a bag from the box, the force sensitive heroes start slashing and trusting with their weapons. They start a deadly duel. The others duck for cover.

In the force, Niall, Karnov and Jimmi have seen a force ghost appear, quickly followed by two more. The force ghosts attack which teeth and claws and force lightning. The others can’t see or feel these evil shades, but the air temperature drops considerably and they can feel the fear and hatred nonetheless. Our three fencers fend off the shades, each of their attacks draining life-force as they connect. As they do so, they taunt and suggest evil things, wearing down the resolve of the defenders.

Here Sithy....Sithy....Sithy!

The fight goes on for several minutes, Karnov is struggling to keep focussed as the largest shade keeps pressing more and more ferocious attacks. In the end, Jimmi scores a good hit on one ghost, and runs it through with the blade. Niall takes a sideswipe and finishes his. A few stokes later and Karnov slashes at hers, dissipating it also. They stop to catch their breath, but as they do so, an automated system powers up, and a dozen dodgy and dangerous droid drones discharge into the dark and dingy room blasting blasters. This attack is swiftly beaten back and soon the dozen droids are lying shot, impaled, chopped or sliced open.

“Best grab the loot and run while we still can!” Rojic growls. This they do. As they jog along the spooky corridors the lights start to dim. “What where those apparitions?”

“My guess is that it’s just the caretaker from the spooky mansion down the road trying to scare us off.”

“Nearly saw me off!” Karnov says, crossly.

As soon as they are back at the speeder, their spirits revive. The Koboks are nowhere to be seen and Rojic is keen to find out what they’ve swiped. He chinks the bag enthusiastically. “Gold rubies! Daminds….And they’re mine….All mine!” His vigorous shaking makes the bag split and the contents cascade down onto the sand. There is an undignified scramble to pick the objects up. Ta’alan is very excited. “Oooh! Sweeties!”

“Not sweeties, sweetie…..Roon stones!”

Ta’alan is disappointed. Jimmi is about to make a joke about a ‘Roon-stone cowboy’ but decides against it.

Rojic grabs a handful. “I’m sure I can put these to good use. Anyone want a nice bit of jewellery? How about a nice pair of earrings, young Ta’alan?”

Ta’alan frowns. “Nice….But I don’t have any ears.” He points out, “–And neither do you.”

“Hmmm….”

Actually I might put it in my blaster rifle. I’m sure with a tune up I could get a few extra yards range.”

“Now there’s an idea. All we need is an expert in gunsmith…..”

They all look at one another. “Well Niall and Karnov have made lightsabres.”

“Not really the same thing.” Karnov says. “-Besides, it took me months to get it right.”

“Not really something you want to mess up. You could end up igniting it by accident and cutting something off.”

“That wasn’t the problem. –I got stuck on the belt ring.”

“Ahhhh…..The belt ring. The trickiest part to assemble.” Niall nods sagely.

“In the end I used a bent bit of coat-hanger.”

“No wonder the radio reception on Storm Cutter is all fuzzy!” Jimmi says.

They gather up the stones in a paper bag and return to town.

“By the way where do all these paper bags come from?”

“I found them behind the seats in that downed spaceship.”

“They were probably useful for something.”

“Actually now you come to mention it there was some dried up vegetation in them….It looked like carrot….”

They return to town to look for the dodgy Sullustan –who is nowhere to be found. Lantana tells them that a ship left a short while ago. A Duros called Ebro was in charge. “If you hurry you might catch it!”

They run for Storm Cutter, blast off and whizz through the cloud, at every tight turn, shaving minutes off Ebro’s headstart. They almost race through the Cloak of the Sith. In the asteroid field they come close to a navigation buoy. They ping the local area.

“Old smuggler trick that. Get in close to a beacon and scan the area. That way other people think it is just a navigation marker signal.” Niall says proudly.

“Was it taught to you by an old smuggler?” Ta’alan asks.

“Yep, and she’s sitting right here!” Niall says, having another pop at Mama’s age.

She rounds on him. “Look, just ‘coz I had sex more recently than you….Don’t get all abusive!”

“Oooh touchy!”

Rojic flaps up. “If we spin through the asteroids, we can get up close. –Those old crates have a blind spot for fifty meters directly behind. –We’d get some engine backwash, but I can fine-tune the shields for a short time to compensate. Once in its shadow, we can follow every move. I could probably slice into their nav computer from that distance with a shadow overlay, and find out where they’re jumping to. If we can get our hyper-drive online within a few minutes we should come out close.”

Mama swoops around a massive chunk of ice, and positions Storm Cutter right in the blind spot of Ebro’s transport. “Gotcha!” She whoops.

Niall gulps. “Rojic said fifty meters, not fifteen inches. I could reach out and touch it!” Then he adds, “ -With my willy-nilly!”

Ebro’s ship lines up for the jump to hyperspace. Rojic is frantically working with Hen3ry. Seconds later they are gone. A minute later Storm Cutter is in hot pursuit!

“Not gonna dump the garbage, Mama?” Ta’alan asks.

“Nope….Rojic’s still on board. –Best remind him to fine tune our exit form hyperspace. –I don’t want to rear-end a Duros on the flip side!”

They spend some hours in hyperspace. As they slow back to sublight, they round a small blue-yellow star and spy a flotilla of Trade Federation ships.

“Eeek! We’ve arrived in the middle of an invasion fleet!”

Niall slams a hand to the internal communicator. “All hands stap yourselves in. We might have to leave in a hurry! Get Hen3ry plugged in and finding the quickest way out of here!”

He turns to Karnov. “We should inform the Republic about this.”

“Agreed. -But not from here, they may be monitoring comms channels.”

Rojic stokes at his whiskers. “That gives me an idea!” He busies himself with some technical junk, then he gets Hen3ry to join him and plugs in several cables. Everyone gathers around. He flips a switch and taps into the Trade Federation comms. “Basic Mil-spec encryption….But check this out!”

The sound of static fills the air, but then after some seconds they get a snatch of Durese, then more static. Rojic flips it off.

“Run that by Joe-9T”

Joe-9T obliges. “Waiting for confirmation of commando raid…..Jump in four hours….Code clone zero…..Bzzzzz!”

“Clone zero….That’s surely Kamino!”

“Setting course now!”

On the way Rojic explains to anyone who wants to know how he did it.

“Normally all messages are scrambled. -And not just scrambled, the encryption is fearful. –But it is a tad slow. It relies on a continual code rotation based on a random number generator synchronised in real time. –But for the short messages they seed it with something else- usually the last hyperspace jump data. If you’ve just arrived, you can reassemble the seed algorithm and reconstruct about eighty percent of the original. Sometimes it is enough to tap their short message service. Er….Is anyone listening?”

Niall wanders back. “Sometimes I wonder why we have Rojic around….” Rojic beams at him while chewing noisily on a piece of carrot, and scratching his belly. “Actually,” Niall continues, “Sometimes I don’t.”

Some hours later, Storm Cutter docks with a Republic cruiser, the ‘Champion.’ General Kardashala is there, as well as Kima Venn and Colonel D’Estrella. They are led to a briefing room. Ta’alan says, “I’ve never been to Kamino.” Karnov proceeds to tell him all about it. “Oh you’ll love it! –The second best weather after Quarren….”

“What about beaches?”

“Oh yes! And babes! –They’re tall, handsome, lovely long legs….Oh and traditional Kaminoan robes are long, slinky and practically see-through!”

Ta’alan gets more and more excited. “I can’t wait!”

They settle down, and General Kardashalan gives them their instructions. Rojic offers round some crunchy snacks. The general looks somewhat displeased. The colonel is more easy going about civilians at a military briefing. At the end, the colonel comes over. “At ease” he says, and they relax a bit more. Rojic is still crunching away. The colonel is intrigued. “Okay I’ll have one….Just to shut you up!”

Rojic doesn’t want to offend him by giving him the half empty packet. “Here. -This one’s unopened.” D’Estrella munches away. “Mmm! Crunchy and healthy. –What are they?”

“Dried carrot. -Here take the bag, -I insist!”

"Captain.... I think I'm gonna.....Blurrgghhgghh!!"

Next stop, Kamino!

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Footnotes:

"Church house / gin house / school house / out house." Are lyrics from Ike & Tina Turner's song 'Nutbush City limits.' - Nutbush in Tennessee is where Tina Turner grew up, as Anna Mae Bullock. -See there *is* madness in the method!